While I am not writing this to just write, but to remember. There has been so many things this semester that have happened that I cannot even describe, but God knows.
Things I am going to miss:
· Being called Muzungu
· Being able to say the price I will pay
· Debby
· The beautiful sunsets
· Cheap food, cheap things in general
· Kristin, kelsey, emily, ashley
· Getting packages and letters
· Walking everywhere
· Geoff and Phil, my encouraging brothers
· Having jokes that people will understand
· The smell of campfire
· The bugs, oh wait, just kidding
· Playing freecell all the time
· Only getting on the internet every third day
· The random blackouts
· Cold showers in the morning…NOT
· Walking in the rain, in a monsoon!
· Being far away from my past
· Just being who I am
· Simple living
· Matatu rides
· African time
There is a part of me that is scared to death to come home. Then God reminds me that it is not Africa that has changed me, but Him and He is everywhere. He will continue to work on me in Indiana and Illinois and wherever else He leads me. He is such a beautiful thing, yeah I know He is not a thing, but I have no words to describe Him. I just have this peace that everything will be ok, no matter what happens in the days, weeks, months, and years to come…He is always there. He is so gracious. He has given me so much grace I could never repay Him, but He does not ask for repayment, like my student loan company, but He just asks us to spend time with Him and love Him. Hmmm…not the norm is it? God is never the norm. I have come to realize just how radical the life that Jesus wants us to live is and there are no exceptions. That scares me to the core because that holds me accountable. I know I will fail, but with God’s strength I will try. His name is so powerful! Just calling on His name is enough. Oh, if I could only put into words how I feel and everything I have seen and heard! Too much!
I am finished with school here and it is a wonderful thing because the whole time being here it felt lame to say I was in Africa studying. It has run its course and I am finished! Three weeks. I only have three weeks! I can’t wait to get home! There is a part that I just want to go home and hid and not put into practice everything I have learned, but I know that would be a waste and wasting is not something I have very fond of. I am, with the power of God, going to put everything into practice and it will not be easy, but with God’s help it can be done! I have faith, hope, and patience. That is the hardest! Patience! Agh…
Jesus was such a radical person because He went totally against the grain. If I am always going with the crowd there is something wrong. There is this third way that I would like to explore more! Hmmm….He is faithful!
Love,
Katie
Sunday, May 10, 2009
How come we spend most of our time waiting? Last semester was spent waiting for this semester in Uganda and now this semester is mostly spent waiting to go home? Is there ever really a moment where I am truly satisfied with where I am? I am beginning to doubt. I think one of the hardest things to do is live in the moment. Sometimes it seems impossible. I want this experience to be all that it can be, but I think that I hinder it quite a bit.
One thing I have realized over this past weekend is how selfish I truly am. It is not too obvious, but I have these terrible thoughts. I want the best of whatever is being offered. I think I deserve whatever is given to me. WHO AM I? The verse, Philippians 2:3-4, is so convicting and will continue to be until the day I die. To live as if everyone is better than me? Come on, seriously? What about the man that killed is wife and child? What about the homeless lady on the street with no teeth? What about the prostitute on the street corner? I am to concern them better than me? But what about me? I am trying to live my life for God and I am supposed to live like these heathens are better than me? That makes no sense, but when does God make sense? This is showing how selfish I am, and from something that happened last night I think God is stripping me bare and making me humble! I want to be selfless to the very core of my being. There are things that get so complicated and I do not think they would be if we would truly live out love to every single person on this earth. What would my life look like if I truly lived out love? Wow…whoa…I can’t even imagine. Something that has been brought to my attention is that I am nothing without love, I could do everything that is good in people’s eyes, but I do not do it out of love then it is pointless. Sure, I share things with others and are nice to others, but most of them are people I love and care for deeply, some I even have been hurt by so much, but I still show them love. There is nothing in that, even the Pharisees did that. I AM A PHARISEE. I need to love the ones that no one loves, the unlovable (according to some), the misfits, the odd ball, and the socially unacceptable. I need to live that out. I can feel it with the core of my being. God has opened my eyes and I cannot turn back. It is going to be difficult, but Jesus never said that it was going to be a pancake with syrup.
God has been opening my eyes/brain so much. I feel overwhelmed so much. There are times I just want to run back home and be naïve, but I know that God has called me and I have to answer. I want to answer. I know that life would not be complete if I ignored God. He has brought me thus far, and He will complete the good work in me. He has never done me wrong. He has a perfect record! Wow, no one can claim that! Not even the man I marry will be able to claim that in any aspect of his life! Jesus is above them all! I was listening to a song by Misty Edwards (love her!) and I just wanted to get on my knees and worship/weep for God. I was in a room with two other girls, but I just want to weep to Him. It is one of those moments that you just feel His presence very strongly. I give Him praise for everything that is in my life. There are times when I have no idea what is going, ok most of the time, but I know it will all work out because God has my hand and is leading me. He is so so so so so so so so so faithful, even when I am not. That seems to be when He is most faithful. I praise His name for giving me grace, because if His love was based on works I would be cast out. His grace is sufficient for me! To know that God’s grace is for anyone that will receive it, puts it into perspective on how to view others. They are a poor ragamuffin like myself. It aches my heart that we, christians, go to church and act like we have it all together. Shouldn’t we be on our knees every Sunday praising God for His grace? We need to view others just like we do our family, we know they do not have it all together, but that does not stop us from loving them. I am just disgusted with myself thinking about how I have acted towards others just because of what they have done or are currently doing. Who am I? LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. I think Jesus had it right when He just loved those sinners and did not condemn them. Are we not called to be like Jesus? It has been a long time since I have seen any ‘little christs’ around. That is what christians mean and yet we are so self righteous. I am the worst. It cannot be said enough, I am such a pharisee. O God have mercy on me. MERCY. I am so unclean. Cleanse me with your blood.
I am your ragamuffin, please take me.
Katie
4-6-09
There was a man burned alive right outside the main gate of our campus. He was just released from prison for a raping a young girl. The ‘towns people’ did not like this and decided to take it in their own hands. WHERE IS THE LOVE? MERCY? It seem to not affect the Ugandans. It was almost like it was normal. O God, I pray for their souls. Have mercy on them. Have mercy on us!
One thing I have realized over this past weekend is how selfish I truly am. It is not too obvious, but I have these terrible thoughts. I want the best of whatever is being offered. I think I deserve whatever is given to me. WHO AM I? The verse, Philippians 2:3-4, is so convicting and will continue to be until the day I die. To live as if everyone is better than me? Come on, seriously? What about the man that killed is wife and child? What about the homeless lady on the street with no teeth? What about the prostitute on the street corner? I am to concern them better than me? But what about me? I am trying to live my life for God and I am supposed to live like these heathens are better than me? That makes no sense, but when does God make sense? This is showing how selfish I am, and from something that happened last night I think God is stripping me bare and making me humble! I want to be selfless to the very core of my being. There are things that get so complicated and I do not think they would be if we would truly live out love to every single person on this earth. What would my life look like if I truly lived out love? Wow…whoa…I can’t even imagine. Something that has been brought to my attention is that I am nothing without love, I could do everything that is good in people’s eyes, but I do not do it out of love then it is pointless. Sure, I share things with others and are nice to others, but most of them are people I love and care for deeply, some I even have been hurt by so much, but I still show them love. There is nothing in that, even the Pharisees did that. I AM A PHARISEE. I need to love the ones that no one loves, the unlovable (according to some), the misfits, the odd ball, and the socially unacceptable. I need to live that out. I can feel it with the core of my being. God has opened my eyes and I cannot turn back. It is going to be difficult, but Jesus never said that it was going to be a pancake with syrup.
God has been opening my eyes/brain so much. I feel overwhelmed so much. There are times I just want to run back home and be naïve, but I know that God has called me and I have to answer. I want to answer. I know that life would not be complete if I ignored God. He has brought me thus far, and He will complete the good work in me. He has never done me wrong. He has a perfect record! Wow, no one can claim that! Not even the man I marry will be able to claim that in any aspect of his life! Jesus is above them all! I was listening to a song by Misty Edwards (love her!) and I just wanted to get on my knees and worship/weep for God. I was in a room with two other girls, but I just want to weep to Him. It is one of those moments that you just feel His presence very strongly. I give Him praise for everything that is in my life. There are times when I have no idea what is going, ok most of the time, but I know it will all work out because God has my hand and is leading me. He is so so so so so so so so so faithful, even when I am not. That seems to be when He is most faithful. I praise His name for giving me grace, because if His love was based on works I would be cast out. His grace is sufficient for me! To know that God’s grace is for anyone that will receive it, puts it into perspective on how to view others. They are a poor ragamuffin like myself. It aches my heart that we, christians, go to church and act like we have it all together. Shouldn’t we be on our knees every Sunday praising God for His grace? We need to view others just like we do our family, we know they do not have it all together, but that does not stop us from loving them. I am just disgusted with myself thinking about how I have acted towards others just because of what they have done or are currently doing. Who am I? LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. I think Jesus had it right when He just loved those sinners and did not condemn them. Are we not called to be like Jesus? It has been a long time since I have seen any ‘little christs’ around. That is what christians mean and yet we are so self righteous. I am the worst. It cannot be said enough, I am such a pharisee. O God have mercy on me. MERCY. I am so unclean. Cleanse me with your blood.
I am your ragamuffin, please take me.
Katie
4-6-09
There was a man burned alive right outside the main gate of our campus. He was just released from prison for a raping a young girl. The ‘towns people’ did not like this and decided to take it in their own hands. WHERE IS THE LOVE? MERCY? It seem to not affect the Ugandans. It was almost like it was normal. O God, I pray for their souls. Have mercy on them. Have mercy on us!
Long time comin'
It is so easy to get wrapped up into make myself better. Afterall, who do you spend most of your time with but yourself? While I think it is very important for us to strive to Jesus and how he was, it is dangerous ground to continually pray for yourself because you are worried about the way you are more than people around you. I personally believe that God will perfect you into the person He wants while you are serving Him. God loves us, broken, blind, and poor. It is through that brokenness that He uses us most. I know God has used my struggles and mistakes more than I will ever fully know, but I know that He has used them. I praise Him for that too. It is like a little layer comes off everytime I talk about my past and what God has brought me through. It was in those darkest times that I felt God’s love, grace, and mercy for me evermore. It was so strong. One of my lowest points, I was just laying on the floor all by myself in fetal position, weeping. Hurting so badly; my own fault, but still I was dying inside. It was in that moment that I could feel God weeping with me. He was not sitting there on His throne, where He should be, pointing His finger at me saying “I tried to tell you, Katie.” NO…He was laying on the floor right beside me, weeping just as much if not more. I could feel His heart break for me. He gave me so much grace, that I cannot even describe right at this moment, but He has all of it.
How am I to question, doubt, or yell at God? He welcomes it. I think all healthy relationships need a little dispute. There are so many things that I do not understand about Him and what He is doing with me, but I trust Him. He has no record of leading me wrong. One thing He showed me last night was that I trust Him with the big things, because they are easy to let go. Well, what else am I going to do with them? Future husband, God has that whole situation; future job, God completely has that; my family, gave them to God; my safety, I trust He never leaves me like He said. There are so many things that I give to Him because what am I to do with them? It is easy to give these things up because what else would I do with them but worry and fail trying to do it on my own. This is where He gets me because it is the little things that I have not given to Him. One of the things I really struggle with, especially here in Africa, is eating. Anything American is comforting to me and tastes sooo good. Even just bread and jam. I eat so much of it, but I don’t really need it. I am lacking self-control. Some would say it is justified because I am in Africa, but truly it is not. If I cannot even control myself on eating, what else am I going to lose control over? It is just the principle that I am clinging to food when I should be clinging to Jesus. Also, I have been meaning to exercise with some girls in the mornings, but just never do. God really convicted me and asked me, ‘Do you not think I will give you enough strength?’ He told me that if I put the effort to be healthy then He will give me strength. I guess, I just never TRUSTED Him enough to believe that He would provide energy for me to be healthy. My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and I know I am not fat, just a little chubby. I do not want to be stick skinny, just healthy. So please pray for that. It is the little things that get me. I feel as though I have control over them and it is ok. Even by doing nothing, I have control. Have mercy on me, O God.
I want to be moved by God like the wind. I want to be so open to Him and what He has for me that I do not question, just do. I went to this service thing last night and I got really freaked out. I do not want to say that it wasn’t of God, but my spirit did not sit well with what these people were doing. Perhaps it was just too intense for me and I am not ready yet, but I do not care to go back. With that in mind, am I shutting out God? Am I limiting Him? I truly do not think so, but perhaps just trying to know the good and bad of ‘religious’ people. Not everything is true, even if they say they are Christian. I always observe before participating in a church, but this night I just sat there watching in almost dismay. I just wasn’t feeling it, but God did speak to me, about the whole trust issue. I just do not know what to think. How come? How can there be such diversity in the spiritual world when we are all in for the same goal. Or at least we are suppose to be. I don’t know and perhaps never will, but I know that God has the victory and has grace for us all.
He has been so gentle with me these past two weeks. I do not know what He is up to, but I know that He is there and I cling to that truth.
TWO MONTHS!!! That is insane!
Right now I should be writing a paper that is due in two days, but I feel as though I need to write out what is inside of my soul at the moment. First of all, remember how I was telling you about the RA thing? I got news today and I GOT IT! Praise Jesus, it is only by Him that I got this. He gave me so much grace through the whole process. I am so excited about next year! I will be with freshman girls which is my heart’s desire! Jesus knew, He so knew. It was all in God’s timing. I am just in awe. Sometimes I think to myself…me, a RA? No way, I can’t be a RA. It seems so surreal, but I am humbly taking this position because it is only God that will work through me to do a wonderful job at this!
It is very hard to focus. I just keep thinking about my family and this summer. Then I get an email from Amy about the road trip at the end of this summer and she is all for it, which makes me in turn more all for it! :D Then with the news of being a freshman RA next year, which has been my heart’s desire since I was freshman, I keep thinking about next school year. I was sitting in ATR class and picturing how I was going to set up my room and how I was going to decorate it. I AM SO EXCITED!!!! I do not think anyone realizes the importance of this because I guess God is the only one who knows to what extent I wanted to be a RA. I felt like it was my calling. Which is funny because we were just talking about ‘callings’ in F & A class. It is like one of those things that you just know that your life will not be complete without doing that. That is the best way to descirbe this. While I know that my life would be complete because it is only God who satisfies me, He put this desire in my heart. One of my favorite verses is “Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart” Psalm 37:4. Wow…He never ceases to amaze me.
How am I to question, doubt, or yell at God? He welcomes it. I think all healthy relationships need a little dispute. There are so many things that I do not understand about Him and what He is doing with me, but I trust Him. He has no record of leading me wrong. One thing He showed me last night was that I trust Him with the big things, because they are easy to let go. Well, what else am I going to do with them? Future husband, God has that whole situation; future job, God completely has that; my family, gave them to God; my safety, I trust He never leaves me like He said. There are so many things that I give to Him because what am I to do with them? It is easy to give these things up because what else would I do with them but worry and fail trying to do it on my own. This is where He gets me because it is the little things that I have not given to Him. One of the things I really struggle with, especially here in Africa, is eating. Anything American is comforting to me and tastes sooo good. Even just bread and jam. I eat so much of it, but I don’t really need it. I am lacking self-control. Some would say it is justified because I am in Africa, but truly it is not. If I cannot even control myself on eating, what else am I going to lose control over? It is just the principle that I am clinging to food when I should be clinging to Jesus. Also, I have been meaning to exercise with some girls in the mornings, but just never do. God really convicted me and asked me, ‘Do you not think I will give you enough strength?’ He told me that if I put the effort to be healthy then He will give me strength. I guess, I just never TRUSTED Him enough to believe that He would provide energy for me to be healthy. My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and I know I am not fat, just a little chubby. I do not want to be stick skinny, just healthy. So please pray for that. It is the little things that get me. I feel as though I have control over them and it is ok. Even by doing nothing, I have control. Have mercy on me, O God.
I want to be moved by God like the wind. I want to be so open to Him and what He has for me that I do not question, just do. I went to this service thing last night and I got really freaked out. I do not want to say that it wasn’t of God, but my spirit did not sit well with what these people were doing. Perhaps it was just too intense for me and I am not ready yet, but I do not care to go back. With that in mind, am I shutting out God? Am I limiting Him? I truly do not think so, but perhaps just trying to know the good and bad of ‘religious’ people. Not everything is true, even if they say they are Christian. I always observe before participating in a church, but this night I just sat there watching in almost dismay. I just wasn’t feeling it, but God did speak to me, about the whole trust issue. I just do not know what to think. How come? How can there be such diversity in the spiritual world when we are all in for the same goal. Or at least we are suppose to be. I don’t know and perhaps never will, but I know that God has the victory and has grace for us all.
He has been so gentle with me these past two weeks. I do not know what He is up to, but I know that He is there and I cling to that truth.
TWO MONTHS!!! That is insane!
Right now I should be writing a paper that is due in two days, but I feel as though I need to write out what is inside of my soul at the moment. First of all, remember how I was telling you about the RA thing? I got news today and I GOT IT! Praise Jesus, it is only by Him that I got this. He gave me so much grace through the whole process. I am so excited about next year! I will be with freshman girls which is my heart’s desire! Jesus knew, He so knew. It was all in God’s timing. I am just in awe. Sometimes I think to myself…me, a RA? No way, I can’t be a RA. It seems so surreal, but I am humbly taking this position because it is only God that will work through me to do a wonderful job at this!
It is very hard to focus. I just keep thinking about my family and this summer. Then I get an email from Amy about the road trip at the end of this summer and she is all for it, which makes me in turn more all for it! :D Then with the news of being a freshman RA next year, which has been my heart’s desire since I was freshman, I keep thinking about next school year. I was sitting in ATR class and picturing how I was going to set up my room and how I was going to decorate it. I AM SO EXCITED!!!! I do not think anyone realizes the importance of this because I guess God is the only one who knows to what extent I wanted to be a RA. I felt like it was my calling. Which is funny because we were just talking about ‘callings’ in F & A class. It is like one of those things that you just know that your life will not be complete without doing that. That is the best way to descirbe this. While I know that my life would be complete because it is only God who satisfies me, He put this desire in my heart. One of my favorite verses is “Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart” Psalm 37:4. Wow…He never ceases to amaze me.
Joys & Pain
Where to even start is a mystery. There are so many things to say, but yet I do not even know if I could describe them with words. I know I will not do them justice, so please give me grace.
Ok, so about two weeks ago now there was craziness on campus. It all started with getting ready for rural homestays, which I was a little nervous about, but tried to be strong! For our faith and action class we had to read a section in our book called conflict. There were stories about conflict, obviously, but more to the point there was stories about the LRA, which as we all know is from Northern Uganda. The stories that I read were heartwretching. I wept, and wept, and wept. I know that it was God breaking my heart for these people because this was not the first time hearing about this situation or stories of people that have gone through this. I was so pissed off. Where the HELL was God in all this? I did not understand how God could let this go on or how God even fit into these peoples’ lives. Life just seemed to lose all its meaning. Who was I that I got to have a wonderful family, safety, education, food, and clean water? WHO AM I? I still struggle with that. These people fear for their lives every second of the day and I complain about having rice and beans twice a day. At least I have food! I disgust myself. I am trying to find a balance with this information that God has shown me and my life back home. What do I do? It is like God has unveiled my eyes to the social injustices are all around me. These people cannot even depend on their own government because they are raping, torturing, and beating these people too. THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE TO PROTECT THEM!!! I read this at night and just pretty much cried the whole night and prayed. I couldn’t sleep very well, but woke up with this huge burden on my heart for these people still. Most of the day I was numb, couldn’t feel anything more. We even had class that we were to discuss what we read, but it didn’t seem to bother others like it did me. Was I wrong? Was I just being dramatic? I felt like these were our brothers and sisters that were suffering and we were just sitting here twidling our thumbs. How could I be the only one feeling this? Didn’t understand, but went on to chapel, which seemed meaningless. I just couldn’t praise God knowing what these people were going through, I did not understand Him and could not say that He was good because this was going on. After service, we went to lunch and I ate with Tori, Naomi, and Sarah. They sensed something and just asked me what was up. I lost it, again. I just spoke my frustrations and cried right there in the dining hall. I tried to hold myself together some, but it didn’t work out very well. Tori wanted to get out of there and go to my room so we could talk. On the way there, she told me that she is glad that it is affecting me like it is because that is the way she feels. Mainly why she was so distant this past semester because she didn’t know how to deal with American lifestyle after seeing and knowing what she did. We came back to my room and I just yelled, questioned, doubted, wept, and prayed for these people, myself, and others. Tori completely understood how I felt because she has been struggling with it for most of the school year. God just simply asked me to give it to Him, how could I do that? Where was He in all this? I clearly had to do something because He was definitely not. Then I just prayed and read Job. God gave me comfort that He has it all in His hands. He is control. (I am not doing a very good job of describing this, but yeah.) God gave me immeasurable peace about this. It was like I was carrying around the burden of the world and (duh) I couldn’t do anything to solve them. I had to give them over to Him, who else was going to take care of them. I praised God that I was not Him because I would not know how to handle this world. I still struggle with this issue, but I know that God has placed here for a reason. Perhaps it is to make others aware back home and perhaps it is to work for an organization to help these people, I do not know. The only thing I do know is that God is in control and I trust Him. It is all I can do.
Ok, that was all one day/night. Then we get a phone call from Phil (he is an intern) telling us that there is a meeting tomorrow at 8:30 a.m. and no one is in trouble, but we needed to be there. We were like ok, but was wondering what it was all about. Well, we get there for the meeting and are told that there was a threat letter slipped under the door of the president of the university. It basically said that the university should shut down and that Americans should leave. At first I was a little scared, but more for my parents who I knew were going to flip out when they were informed about this. In two days we were going to leave for rural homestays for a little over a week, so we were leaving :D. Anyway, I called my parents and of course, they wanted me to come home, but I told them I was fine and did not feel in immediate danger. I completely understood their feelings towards this, but I knew that God was with me and did not want me to pull out just yet. Although, secretly, I would have been just fine if they would have said, “we are sending you home tomorrow.” I miss my family! But yet I know that I am supposed to be here. Before talking to my family, I prayed so hard for God to give them peace and grace to hear the news and to be calm. God told me that He is using me/ this situation to build trust between Him and them. I knew that this would draw them closer to Him and I was praising Him for that. I did not want to put my family through any more stress, but I trusted God. Nevermind, that in two days I would not be able to talk to my family for ten days. That was a little rough, on both sides I’m sure. Well the next two days went fine and we were on our way to rural homestays…
There was excitement and dread inside my body. God poured excitement in me about the family I was to stay with, but a little part of me was uncertain about the whole thing. I was by myself, which was fine with me, but I was still scared. Right before arriving, God told me that He had prepared these people for me and that they were so welcoming. Oh boy! He knew, He knew! I was frustrated beyond words at some points, but then there were moments that I was so content that I could have stayed forever. I had two sisters, Ruth and Zipporah. Ruth was so remarkable. She is 28 years old and has a 14 year old daughter. Before you judge her, wait. When she was 12 or so, she got abducted by the LRA and was forced to be a ‘wife’ of one of the commanders of the rebel army. She also has a son, but he is with the father. She escaped and came back to live with her sister, who is HIV+, and raised her daughter. She told me that she was so sick of living a life that was barely living that she turned her life to Jesus and has been a child of God since. I was at a loss for words. This woman is amazing. She never gave up and just continued on. I just kept thinking about everything she has seen and been through, I do not know if I would have turned to Jesus myself. She has amazing faith that I do not know if I will ever possess. Her biggest concern is for her daughter that she get through school and have a better life than she did. There is a big issue with young girls getting pregnant and when you get pregnant here you cannot finish school and are pretty much poor for the rest of your life. These women were so strong because they had to be. There was no room for self-pity or complaining. Every morning, Toto (momma) would ask me how the night was and then praise God for the night and the morning. That was the highlight of my week, meeting her, but there are numerous funny stories that happened to me.
The most unusual story would have to be spreading cow poop on the ground as cement. They were farmers and grew cassava. They had to dry it, but instead of laying it out on the ground for dirt, they make ‘cement’ from cow poop and lay the food on that instead of the ground…hmmmm. I wasn’t too convinced, but that did not matter. I got down on my knees and spread cow poop with my hand. The cherry on top was when that same night, we were eating supper and we eat with our hands because they do not have/afford silverware and I just scooped a thing of rice in my mouth with the thought of ‘this hand was just in cow poop today, yummy.’ J Jesus was humbling me, for sure. I slept in a legit hut for a week and there were lizards, bugs, and what not in there, but I was blessed. My papa was 75 years old and I rode on the back of his bicycle, he insisted. I was amazed. They are so strong in all ways. I bathed under the stars one night, it was amazing. The stars were so clear out there. I shall never forget that. The simple pleasures were so wonderful. The joy of being there was amazing and God showed me so many things. I shall never forget them…
After leaving my family, we traveled to Sipi Falls. The living conditions were worse than at my rural homestay, but the view was breathtaking. I wish I could let you have my eyes to see. I hike the mountain! I saw three waterfalls, top and bottom. I was just simply in awe of my Father and His creation. I felt His beauty when I was ten feet from the bottom of the waterfall. It was the feeling of ‘this is where I’m supposed to be at this very moment’ and I was savoring it. Although the last hour of the hike was very tough, it was wonderful. I am sore all over, but God is good! Perhaps I will build some muscle :D.
I am still trying to let everything sink in, but I know that will take a long time, so we will see. As of currently, I am planning a two week road trip at the end of the summer and I am beyond excited for this! I pray that it all works out. I am waiting to hear back about being a RA, so we will see what God has in store for me. I give Him all praise for every opportunity He has given me these past weeks. This is not all of it, but I could not write everything nor describe it, so take all this for what it is worth.
May you feel His presence this day…
Peace be with you,
Katie
Ok, so about two weeks ago now there was craziness on campus. It all started with getting ready for rural homestays, which I was a little nervous about, but tried to be strong! For our faith and action class we had to read a section in our book called conflict. There were stories about conflict, obviously, but more to the point there was stories about the LRA, which as we all know is from Northern Uganda. The stories that I read were heartwretching. I wept, and wept, and wept. I know that it was God breaking my heart for these people because this was not the first time hearing about this situation or stories of people that have gone through this. I was so pissed off. Where the HELL was God in all this? I did not understand how God could let this go on or how God even fit into these peoples’ lives. Life just seemed to lose all its meaning. Who was I that I got to have a wonderful family, safety, education, food, and clean water? WHO AM I? I still struggle with that. These people fear for their lives every second of the day and I complain about having rice and beans twice a day. At least I have food! I disgust myself. I am trying to find a balance with this information that God has shown me and my life back home. What do I do? It is like God has unveiled my eyes to the social injustices are all around me. These people cannot even depend on their own government because they are raping, torturing, and beating these people too. THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE TO PROTECT THEM!!! I read this at night and just pretty much cried the whole night and prayed. I couldn’t sleep very well, but woke up with this huge burden on my heart for these people still. Most of the day I was numb, couldn’t feel anything more. We even had class that we were to discuss what we read, but it didn’t seem to bother others like it did me. Was I wrong? Was I just being dramatic? I felt like these were our brothers and sisters that were suffering and we were just sitting here twidling our thumbs. How could I be the only one feeling this? Didn’t understand, but went on to chapel, which seemed meaningless. I just couldn’t praise God knowing what these people were going through, I did not understand Him and could not say that He was good because this was going on. After service, we went to lunch and I ate with Tori, Naomi, and Sarah. They sensed something and just asked me what was up. I lost it, again. I just spoke my frustrations and cried right there in the dining hall. I tried to hold myself together some, but it didn’t work out very well. Tori wanted to get out of there and go to my room so we could talk. On the way there, she told me that she is glad that it is affecting me like it is because that is the way she feels. Mainly why she was so distant this past semester because she didn’t know how to deal with American lifestyle after seeing and knowing what she did. We came back to my room and I just yelled, questioned, doubted, wept, and prayed for these people, myself, and others. Tori completely understood how I felt because she has been struggling with it for most of the school year. God just simply asked me to give it to Him, how could I do that? Where was He in all this? I clearly had to do something because He was definitely not. Then I just prayed and read Job. God gave me comfort that He has it all in His hands. He is control. (I am not doing a very good job of describing this, but yeah.) God gave me immeasurable peace about this. It was like I was carrying around the burden of the world and (duh) I couldn’t do anything to solve them. I had to give them over to Him, who else was going to take care of them. I praised God that I was not Him because I would not know how to handle this world. I still struggle with this issue, but I know that God has placed here for a reason. Perhaps it is to make others aware back home and perhaps it is to work for an organization to help these people, I do not know. The only thing I do know is that God is in control and I trust Him. It is all I can do.
Ok, that was all one day/night. Then we get a phone call from Phil (he is an intern) telling us that there is a meeting tomorrow at 8:30 a.m. and no one is in trouble, but we needed to be there. We were like ok, but was wondering what it was all about. Well, we get there for the meeting and are told that there was a threat letter slipped under the door of the president of the university. It basically said that the university should shut down and that Americans should leave. At first I was a little scared, but more for my parents who I knew were going to flip out when they were informed about this. In two days we were going to leave for rural homestays for a little over a week, so we were leaving :D. Anyway, I called my parents and of course, they wanted me to come home, but I told them I was fine and did not feel in immediate danger. I completely understood their feelings towards this, but I knew that God was with me and did not want me to pull out just yet. Although, secretly, I would have been just fine if they would have said, “we are sending you home tomorrow.” I miss my family! But yet I know that I am supposed to be here. Before talking to my family, I prayed so hard for God to give them peace and grace to hear the news and to be calm. God told me that He is using me/ this situation to build trust between Him and them. I knew that this would draw them closer to Him and I was praising Him for that. I did not want to put my family through any more stress, but I trusted God. Nevermind, that in two days I would not be able to talk to my family for ten days. That was a little rough, on both sides I’m sure. Well the next two days went fine and we were on our way to rural homestays…
There was excitement and dread inside my body. God poured excitement in me about the family I was to stay with, but a little part of me was uncertain about the whole thing. I was by myself, which was fine with me, but I was still scared. Right before arriving, God told me that He had prepared these people for me and that they were so welcoming. Oh boy! He knew, He knew! I was frustrated beyond words at some points, but then there were moments that I was so content that I could have stayed forever. I had two sisters, Ruth and Zipporah. Ruth was so remarkable. She is 28 years old and has a 14 year old daughter. Before you judge her, wait. When she was 12 or so, she got abducted by the LRA and was forced to be a ‘wife’ of one of the commanders of the rebel army. She also has a son, but he is with the father. She escaped and came back to live with her sister, who is HIV+, and raised her daughter. She told me that she was so sick of living a life that was barely living that she turned her life to Jesus and has been a child of God since. I was at a loss for words. This woman is amazing. She never gave up and just continued on. I just kept thinking about everything she has seen and been through, I do not know if I would have turned to Jesus myself. She has amazing faith that I do not know if I will ever possess. Her biggest concern is for her daughter that she get through school and have a better life than she did. There is a big issue with young girls getting pregnant and when you get pregnant here you cannot finish school and are pretty much poor for the rest of your life. These women were so strong because they had to be. There was no room for self-pity or complaining. Every morning, Toto (momma) would ask me how the night was and then praise God for the night and the morning. That was the highlight of my week, meeting her, but there are numerous funny stories that happened to me.
The most unusual story would have to be spreading cow poop on the ground as cement. They were farmers and grew cassava. They had to dry it, but instead of laying it out on the ground for dirt, they make ‘cement’ from cow poop and lay the food on that instead of the ground…hmmmm. I wasn’t too convinced, but that did not matter. I got down on my knees and spread cow poop with my hand. The cherry on top was when that same night, we were eating supper and we eat with our hands because they do not have/afford silverware and I just scooped a thing of rice in my mouth with the thought of ‘this hand was just in cow poop today, yummy.’ J Jesus was humbling me, for sure. I slept in a legit hut for a week and there were lizards, bugs, and what not in there, but I was blessed. My papa was 75 years old and I rode on the back of his bicycle, he insisted. I was amazed. They are so strong in all ways. I bathed under the stars one night, it was amazing. The stars were so clear out there. I shall never forget that. The simple pleasures were so wonderful. The joy of being there was amazing and God showed me so many things. I shall never forget them…
After leaving my family, we traveled to Sipi Falls. The living conditions were worse than at my rural homestay, but the view was breathtaking. I wish I could let you have my eyes to see. I hike the mountain! I saw three waterfalls, top and bottom. I was just simply in awe of my Father and His creation. I felt His beauty when I was ten feet from the bottom of the waterfall. It was the feeling of ‘this is where I’m supposed to be at this very moment’ and I was savoring it. Although the last hour of the hike was very tough, it was wonderful. I am sore all over, but God is good! Perhaps I will build some muscle :D.
I am still trying to let everything sink in, but I know that will take a long time, so we will see. As of currently, I am planning a two week road trip at the end of the summer and I am beyond excited for this! I pray that it all works out. I am waiting to hear back about being a RA, so we will see what God has in store for me. I give Him all praise for every opportunity He has given me these past weeks. This is not all of it, but I could not write everything nor describe it, so take all this for what it is worth.
May you feel His presence this day…
Peace be with you,
Katie
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Summer dreams...
So I was bored and God has really just been giving me great ideas about this summer and these are some things that have come to mind, perhaps they are more year goals than for the summer but I can dream right? :D
Things I want to do this summer:
· Learn some Hebrew and Greek
· Go to Washington
· Visit IHOP-KC
· Ride my bike more than I drive
· Swim at least three times a week
· Volunteer at PCC
· Get involved in the Youth group at Fort Rec
· Get a house sitting job J
· Take two college classes
· Go to S. Indiana
· Seek out refugee places, homeless shelters, and orphanges
· Lead a bible study
· Sing in a chior
· Go on walks every night
· Love my family more everyday
· Be selfless
· Make collages
· Paint pictures for Jesus
· Take too many pictures
· Make up songs for my Daddy God
· Get a room of my own
· Travel to random places at random times
· Help someone out everyday
· Get to know the poor
· Be content and confident in who God made me to be
· Strive for Jesus
· Subscribe to National geo, travler or adventure
· Hike a mountain
· Be able to run a mile straight
· Visit grandma once a week
· Find wise counsel in older friends
· Visit Chicago in the summer!
· Perhaps visit Philiadephia
· Wake up at 6:00 a.m. everyday to spend time with JC
· Chase my Beloved faster, better, and longer everyday.
Things I want to do this summer:
· Learn some Hebrew and Greek
· Go to Washington
· Visit IHOP-KC
· Ride my bike more than I drive
· Swim at least three times a week
· Volunteer at PCC
· Get involved in the Youth group at Fort Rec
· Get a house sitting job J
· Take two college classes
· Go to S. Indiana
· Seek out refugee places, homeless shelters, and orphanges
· Lead a bible study
· Sing in a chior
· Go on walks every night
· Love my family more everyday
· Be selfless
· Make collages
· Paint pictures for Jesus
· Take too many pictures
· Make up songs for my Daddy God
· Get a room of my own
· Travel to random places at random times
· Help someone out everyday
· Get to know the poor
· Be content and confident in who God made me to be
· Strive for Jesus
· Subscribe to National geo, travler or adventure
· Hike a mountain
· Be able to run a mile straight
· Visit grandma once a week
· Find wise counsel in older friends
· Visit Chicago in the summer!
· Perhaps visit Philiadephia
· Wake up at 6:00 a.m. everyday to spend time with JC
· Chase my Beloved faster, better, and longer everyday.
They feel my beauty, Katie...
Whoa. It is only Tuesday and this week has been crazy! First of all, the RA situation has been resolved, I think, because they accepted my application and hopefully reviewing right now as I write this. God’s grace was in that whole thing and hopefully it works out. I have done everything I can, considering I am in Africa, I leave it in God’s hands now. That has been a stressful part of these past two days, but it has worked out, or so I hope :D.
So, enough about my selfish life in America, now to what you really want to read about. We had our oreintation to for the orphange I will be volunteering at while I am in Uganda. A little history on this story, we got to write down our top three choices on where we wanted to do our service projects and Chain, the orphange, was not my first choice. Salama, which is a blind school, was my first choice because the idea that the children just love you for who you are to them and not what you look like appealed to me. That sounds completely selfish, but being someone that gets stares from people because my face isn’t normal, it made me want to be with them. I figured I could learn a lot from them too on appearance and how much it does not matter. Well that was my plan and knew for sure that was where God wanted me, but we got our assignments and I got Chain, the orphange. Not that I did not want to be at the orphange, but I had built my heart on the blind school. That was just a bad week because nothing was going the way I wanted, but when I saw where I was suppose to volunteer God just said ‘Trust me, Katie’…that was all I could do, so I said ‘Fine’…Ok now back to present.
We went to this orphange and there was a blind school there! God is so amazing…
So we take a tour of the land to get familiar with the area and we meet these amazing kids. These kids are blind, partially or fully, and they live life. My heart is so heavy and I had to hold back from crying right then and there. I want to do so much for these children, but yet feel like I can do nothing to help. I am an all or nothing type and it just really frustrates me that I am in Africa, going to school, paying more money for four months than most of these people see in their life, and complaining about rice and beans. The orphange has an Intergrated school for the blind and sighted, but they cannot provide much food so these kids get a cup of pourage at lunch and that is it. These children mostly stay on campus even after school is out, to play with the other children and mostly because there is no reason to go home until bedtime because there is no food at home either. These are the poorest of the poor in the community. Most of these children do not have families for many reasons, but one main one being AIDS. Some are HIV positive themselves, which just breaks my heart. The blind children are almost like an outcast to society, and either their parents couldn’t provide proper medical care for them or they just didn’t want to because they saw them as a waste of life. Ahhhhhh….my heart just hurts. I want to fix everything for these kids because they deserve it more than anyone. They should get more love but they get less. I am so overwhelmed with emotion right now, I don’t know what else to write about this at the moment.
On the way back from Chain, I was riding in the van with the window open, winding blowing; eyes closed thinking this is how they see life. How do they see your beauties God? I ask, and God replied, “They don’t see life, Katie, they feel it. They feel my beauty.” Oh for all of us to feel His beauty…
So, enough about my selfish life in America, now to what you really want to read about. We had our oreintation to for the orphange I will be volunteering at while I am in Uganda. A little history on this story, we got to write down our top three choices on where we wanted to do our service projects and Chain, the orphange, was not my first choice. Salama, which is a blind school, was my first choice because the idea that the children just love you for who you are to them and not what you look like appealed to me. That sounds completely selfish, but being someone that gets stares from people because my face isn’t normal, it made me want to be with them. I figured I could learn a lot from them too on appearance and how much it does not matter. Well that was my plan and knew for sure that was where God wanted me, but we got our assignments and I got Chain, the orphange. Not that I did not want to be at the orphange, but I had built my heart on the blind school. That was just a bad week because nothing was going the way I wanted, but when I saw where I was suppose to volunteer God just said ‘Trust me, Katie’…that was all I could do, so I said ‘Fine’…Ok now back to present.
We went to this orphange and there was a blind school there! God is so amazing…
So we take a tour of the land to get familiar with the area and we meet these amazing kids. These kids are blind, partially or fully, and they live life. My heart is so heavy and I had to hold back from crying right then and there. I want to do so much for these children, but yet feel like I can do nothing to help. I am an all or nothing type and it just really frustrates me that I am in Africa, going to school, paying more money for four months than most of these people see in their life, and complaining about rice and beans. The orphange has an Intergrated school for the blind and sighted, but they cannot provide much food so these kids get a cup of pourage at lunch and that is it. These children mostly stay on campus even after school is out, to play with the other children and mostly because there is no reason to go home until bedtime because there is no food at home either. These are the poorest of the poor in the community. Most of these children do not have families for many reasons, but one main one being AIDS. Some are HIV positive themselves, which just breaks my heart. The blind children are almost like an outcast to society, and either their parents couldn’t provide proper medical care for them or they just didn’t want to because they saw them as a waste of life. Ahhhhhh….my heart just hurts. I want to fix everything for these kids because they deserve it more than anyone. They should get more love but they get less. I am so overwhelmed with emotion right now, I don’t know what else to write about this at the moment.
On the way back from Chain, I was riding in the van with the window open, winding blowing; eyes closed thinking this is how they see life. How do they see your beauties God? I ask, and God replied, “They don’t see life, Katie, they feel it. They feel my beauty.” Oh for all of us to feel His beauty…
Adventures, Adventures...
Yesterday, Febuary 7th, we went to Kampala. There were five of us girls and we went out for a night on the townJ. We went to dinner on Emily’s mom because she won an award at school and it was a celebration! It was so good too! I am eating like a piggy and probably will not lose weight while being here. I am going to start exercising more though! Build the muscles! :) Anyway, we went in a Matatu which is just a van taxi and real cheap, but they drive crazy! Oh my, I could never drive here. There are no rules and everyone just does whatever they want. I would be so ticked off at the people that I wouldn’t get anywhere! Ha. The taxi tried to kick us off, probably closer to our destination, but we were persistent and stayed on until we were around something familiar. We ended up asking for directions, but eventually got there! I got some mango juice that wasn’t very good and was expensive! (In reality it was only $1.75, but here that is wicked expensive.) Then we got a private hire to take us to Sam’s restaurant, which was amazing!! We also stumbled upon this craft market which was awesome. I love shopping here! Good thing it is cheap here! I had fish, carrots, and potatoes! It was very healthy and delicious. Then I had apple pie and ice cream :D. It was so delicish, I even ate the crust and I am not a crust person. Most proabably wouldn’t have liked it but because it is such a treat here I was in very much like with it! We kind of vegged out for a little bit then went to the craft market. Kristen was proud of me because I only bought five pairs of earrings and three banana leaf pictures! And they were all gifts, kinda. We had a heck of a time getting a matatu back to Mukono. Some Ugandans think that because we are white that we do not know anything, but all you need to do is act like you know what you are doing and they won’t take you for a fool. My dad would be proud of me :D. I love the shopping here and how cheap I can get things. I am starting to develop a backbone! I am not guillable or naïve as much as I use to be! It was a good day, but even at the end I felt like an outsider. At first I was mad because I thought it was the girls fault, but I do not think that now. I know it is God telling me to get use to feeling alone in this world when it comes to people. I need to become content with being the outsider. That is what God told me. I have become more introverted since being here. I need my alone time and I crave it because I can’t be around people all the time. It is weird, but another thing that God is doing in my life. I give Him the praise for everything!
Emily and I went to this fellowship on Thurday for our dorm. It was great until the speaker. He was talking about worship and he had great things to say about worship, but then he spoke about the song, Blessed be thename of the Lord, and the verse where it says ‘He gives and takes away’, the speaker said he would not say that verse again because God only gives and does not take. I was like what??? Emily and I talked about it and that is in the Bible, He gives and takes away, and we were like ummm, yeah…wrong statement to say. That song is very dear to my heart because the day that my grandpa passed away, it played in chapel and it was God just reassuring me about that situation.
Anyway, probably the hardest and greatest week so far! I am sure there are more to come and I welcome them. God is here and with me and everywhere in between! I love you all!
Emily and I went to this fellowship on Thurday for our dorm. It was great until the speaker. He was talking about worship and he had great things to say about worship, but then he spoke about the song, Blessed be thename of the Lord, and the verse where it says ‘He gives and takes away’, the speaker said he would not say that verse again because God only gives and does not take. I was like what??? Emily and I talked about it and that is in the Bible, He gives and takes away, and we were like ummm, yeah…wrong statement to say. That song is very dear to my heart because the day that my grandpa passed away, it played in chapel and it was God just reassuring me about that situation.
Anyway, probably the hardest and greatest week so far! I am sure there are more to come and I welcome them. God is here and with me and everywhere in between! I love you all!
Wonderfully in Awe...
2-6-09
Where to even start, I am at a loss. I am almost at a loss for words at the moment, but I feel that if I do not write this down it would be a shame.
Ok, here goes nothing. Last weekend, January 30th-Febuary 1st, we went on a retreat to Jinja with Honors College to a wonderful resort. The weekend was built and provided to get to know the honors college students, but God asked so much that I go away alone, with Him. I felt like a loser because here I am at a social gathering and not socializing like I should. God pulled me away in the morning to watch the sunrise, which on Lake Victoria are beautiful, mid-day when everyone was playing in the pool, and after supper when others were watching a movie. I felt like such an outsider all weekend, all these people were building all these relationships and I wasn’t, but God, even before I got here, reminded me that this trip is not about friendships or relationships in general, but solely about Him and I’s relationship. I woke up on Sunday morning and watch the sunrise with my family (because I recorded it :D) and God just spoke to me so much about them and how much He LOVES them! Oh, I praise Him! After that I just got so much power of the spirit reminding that I am a daughter of the KING! I have never felt like more of the daughter of the King than in that moment. He is the King of the Universe and He calls me daughter! Ahhh….it still amazes me. We had a worship service that morning and Brian preached on how we have the power of the Spirit in us and that we need to share it! My roommate, Kristen, then stood up after he was finished and spoke prophecy about how there were leaders, reformers, and revelationaries in this group and we need to strike the match to start the fire for this world! Wow, it was so powerful! Well, that is just the start of it.
This week has not been the greatest to say the least, but also it has been the best yet. For starters, I was just getting frustrated with people, but that is my own problem and God is dealing with me on that. Tuesday was Markert Day here in Mukono and so Tori and I decided to go. Well, probably the worst day I have had here. First of all, before we even left this UCU student sat with us at lunch and we were all introducing ourselves. She asked me if I had a sunburn on my face and I proceeded to tell her no that it was my birthmark and she said, ‘wow, that is huge.’ I looked at Tori and said, ‘what do I say to that?’ So we just left and went on our way to town. It started to pouring when we walked to town so we were delayed for a bit, but that was fine. We finally got to the market and people were just so rude. A vender man asked me about my face as I was walking passed his little station and then these guys walked by me and very mockingly said ‘ What is on your face’ or something to that extent. I just wanted to stand right there in the middle of street and cry. I am so sick of everyone asking me. I really don’t mind if someone asks me that I know or am getting to know, but just random strangers I resent. People try to justify it by saying that it is there culture, but a Ugandan girl told me that it is rude here, which I figured anyways. It just hurt, but God is really showing me where my worth is and how beautiful I truly am. I am a daughter of the KING for goodness sakes!Another things was that I wanted to apply for a RA position for next year and emailed my RD before the deadline, but she just got back with me yesterday to tell me that it was too late, well duh! Anyways, I am still trying to work on that one, but I will accept whatever happens. So that was one thing that didn’t go as planned and then I got homesick plus just being sick of being here. I just wanted to go home and be in the comfort of my home and family. Obviously, that can’t happen for another three months, but that does not help the longing. There have been great things about this week too. Kristen and I’s relationship has become stronger as roommates and I am so thankful for that! Also, God has given me a deep friendship with a girl, Naomi, to which I feel very blessed to have also. God knows that these relationships are not before Him and I think that is why He has given them to me and let them become stronger in Him. I did ask Him for a deep friendship and I have three girls that I know I could go to for anything here and I am so thankful for that.
Ok, so here is the cool part :D. Yesterday, Friday, Febuary 6th, a group of us went to Kampala to a craft market which is so awesome and I got gifts for people!, but anyways. I got stuck in Kampala after dark and couldn’t go home by myself because it wasn’t safe, so I had to stay there with the group when I really did not want to do that. I was really mad actually because first we were disrespecting curfew and second we were at a place that was not good for my spirit and third, I wanted to go to this overnight thing they were having at the campus. Finally, we got a group to come with us and I was so thankful Eddie came with us. He is African and was not going to let us go by ourselves, praise Jesus. So, we finally got home two hours after curfew, but we were safe, so no worries family :D. Naomi and I bathed and went to the overnight thing. It is funny to think that I almost did not go because it was 11:00 p.m. and I didn’t know how I was going to get back because I didn’t want to walk by myself in the dark, but I went anyway. At first I was completely shocked for two reasons: one, there were a lot of people and two, these people were going crazy. It was not what I expected, but it was good. At first, I was like I am so leaving soon because I just wasn’t feeling it at all. Then the man told us to grab hands with others and Sarah grabbed my hand. It seemed like everyone was worshipping God but me. People were shaking, shouting, weeping, standing, walking, whatever, but I just stood there. God started dwelling in me and I began to shout. It seemed with every shout God was filling me more and more. He then proceeded to tell me that the more I worshipped Him the more He would fill me with HIM!!!! AHHHHHHH>>>>>>>……it still gives me excitement!!!! I was getting freedom in Christ! I didn’t care what others were doing, I was worshipping Jesus in the way that the Spirit was guiding me. Debby came over and wanted me to sit with them and so I did. A preacher then began to preach and I was so tired. God used him so much though. He was talking about we need to seek our destiny in Christ. I almost left while he was preaching because I could not stay awake, but I know that if I was worshipping my Creator then I would be awake and alive. Finally we started worshipping again and we all grabbed hands and started singing. I did not know the songs, but that did not stop me from singing. I cannot really explain to you what happened next, but God over took my body. He manfested Himself in me. (I will not apologize if this offends anyone, but please know that what happens to me is of God and nothing else. I know it is hard to process, but until you experience it, it really means nothing to you. But please do not dismiss it that it is not of God or that I am completely crazy. I am crazy, but only crazy in Jesus!). GOD’S PRESENCE WAS IN ME!!! I cannot express in words, but it was intimate. I am still having affects from it and it was 5 ½ hours ago! God is developing the gifts He has given me and I praise Him for that! Also, He is giving me freedom in Christ, which is something I have been asking for since being here. Wow, what a night/morning. I prayed for my family like never before in the Spirit. I feel God’s love for my family and it is so so soooooo sooooooo strong. I just keep praying that they will all feel it now. God is doing so much and ahhhh…I can’t, I can’t even talk right now! Perhaps I will be able to contain myself soon, but at this moment I feel like dancing for the Lord. I got about four and half hours of sleep, but I feel so refreshed it is crazy and can only be from God!!!!
WOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO….PRAISE JESUS….PRAISE MY DADDY!!!
FREEDOM!!! AHHHH……………………………………………………………………………………………AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…..I AM GOING NUTS INSIDE MY BODY FOR HIM…..
I love you all and hope this blesses you somehow…
All for His glory,
Katie
Where to even start, I am at a loss. I am almost at a loss for words at the moment, but I feel that if I do not write this down it would be a shame.
Ok, here goes nothing. Last weekend, January 30th-Febuary 1st, we went on a retreat to Jinja with Honors College to a wonderful resort. The weekend was built and provided to get to know the honors college students, but God asked so much that I go away alone, with Him. I felt like a loser because here I am at a social gathering and not socializing like I should. God pulled me away in the morning to watch the sunrise, which on Lake Victoria are beautiful, mid-day when everyone was playing in the pool, and after supper when others were watching a movie. I felt like such an outsider all weekend, all these people were building all these relationships and I wasn’t, but God, even before I got here, reminded me that this trip is not about friendships or relationships in general, but solely about Him and I’s relationship. I woke up on Sunday morning and watch the sunrise with my family (because I recorded it :D) and God just spoke to me so much about them and how much He LOVES them! Oh, I praise Him! After that I just got so much power of the spirit reminding that I am a daughter of the KING! I have never felt like more of the daughter of the King than in that moment. He is the King of the Universe and He calls me daughter! Ahhh….it still amazes me. We had a worship service that morning and Brian preached on how we have the power of the Spirit in us and that we need to share it! My roommate, Kristen, then stood up after he was finished and spoke prophecy about how there were leaders, reformers, and revelationaries in this group and we need to strike the match to start the fire for this world! Wow, it was so powerful! Well, that is just the start of it.
This week has not been the greatest to say the least, but also it has been the best yet. For starters, I was just getting frustrated with people, but that is my own problem and God is dealing with me on that. Tuesday was Markert Day here in Mukono and so Tori and I decided to go. Well, probably the worst day I have had here. First of all, before we even left this UCU student sat with us at lunch and we were all introducing ourselves. She asked me if I had a sunburn on my face and I proceeded to tell her no that it was my birthmark and she said, ‘wow, that is huge.’ I looked at Tori and said, ‘what do I say to that?’ So we just left and went on our way to town. It started to pouring when we walked to town so we were delayed for a bit, but that was fine. We finally got to the market and people were just so rude. A vender man asked me about my face as I was walking passed his little station and then these guys walked by me and very mockingly said ‘ What is on your face’ or something to that extent. I just wanted to stand right there in the middle of street and cry. I am so sick of everyone asking me. I really don’t mind if someone asks me that I know or am getting to know, but just random strangers I resent. People try to justify it by saying that it is there culture, but a Ugandan girl told me that it is rude here, which I figured anyways. It just hurt, but God is really showing me where my worth is and how beautiful I truly am. I am a daughter of the KING for goodness sakes!Another things was that I wanted to apply for a RA position for next year and emailed my RD before the deadline, but she just got back with me yesterday to tell me that it was too late, well duh! Anyways, I am still trying to work on that one, but I will accept whatever happens. So that was one thing that didn’t go as planned and then I got homesick plus just being sick of being here. I just wanted to go home and be in the comfort of my home and family. Obviously, that can’t happen for another three months, but that does not help the longing. There have been great things about this week too. Kristen and I’s relationship has become stronger as roommates and I am so thankful for that! Also, God has given me a deep friendship with a girl, Naomi, to which I feel very blessed to have also. God knows that these relationships are not before Him and I think that is why He has given them to me and let them become stronger in Him. I did ask Him for a deep friendship and I have three girls that I know I could go to for anything here and I am so thankful for that.
Ok, so here is the cool part :D. Yesterday, Friday, Febuary 6th, a group of us went to Kampala to a craft market which is so awesome and I got gifts for people!, but anyways. I got stuck in Kampala after dark and couldn’t go home by myself because it wasn’t safe, so I had to stay there with the group when I really did not want to do that. I was really mad actually because first we were disrespecting curfew and second we were at a place that was not good for my spirit and third, I wanted to go to this overnight thing they were having at the campus. Finally, we got a group to come with us and I was so thankful Eddie came with us. He is African and was not going to let us go by ourselves, praise Jesus. So, we finally got home two hours after curfew, but we were safe, so no worries family :D. Naomi and I bathed and went to the overnight thing. It is funny to think that I almost did not go because it was 11:00 p.m. and I didn’t know how I was going to get back because I didn’t want to walk by myself in the dark, but I went anyway. At first I was completely shocked for two reasons: one, there were a lot of people and two, these people were going crazy. It was not what I expected, but it was good. At first, I was like I am so leaving soon because I just wasn’t feeling it at all. Then the man told us to grab hands with others and Sarah grabbed my hand. It seemed like everyone was worshipping God but me. People were shaking, shouting, weeping, standing, walking, whatever, but I just stood there. God started dwelling in me and I began to shout. It seemed with every shout God was filling me more and more. He then proceeded to tell me that the more I worshipped Him the more He would fill me with HIM!!!! AHHHHHHH>>>>>>>……it still gives me excitement!!!! I was getting freedom in Christ! I didn’t care what others were doing, I was worshipping Jesus in the way that the Spirit was guiding me. Debby came over and wanted me to sit with them and so I did. A preacher then began to preach and I was so tired. God used him so much though. He was talking about we need to seek our destiny in Christ. I almost left while he was preaching because I could not stay awake, but I know that if I was worshipping my Creator then I would be awake and alive. Finally we started worshipping again and we all grabbed hands and started singing. I did not know the songs, but that did not stop me from singing. I cannot really explain to you what happened next, but God over took my body. He manfested Himself in me. (I will not apologize if this offends anyone, but please know that what happens to me is of God and nothing else. I know it is hard to process, but until you experience it, it really means nothing to you. But please do not dismiss it that it is not of God or that I am completely crazy. I am crazy, but only crazy in Jesus!). GOD’S PRESENCE WAS IN ME!!! I cannot express in words, but it was intimate. I am still having affects from it and it was 5 ½ hours ago! God is developing the gifts He has given me and I praise Him for that! Also, He is giving me freedom in Christ, which is something I have been asking for since being here. Wow, what a night/morning. I prayed for my family like never before in the Spirit. I feel God’s love for my family and it is so so soooooo sooooooo strong. I just keep praying that they will all feel it now. God is doing so much and ahhhh…I can’t, I can’t even talk right now! Perhaps I will be able to contain myself soon, but at this moment I feel like dancing for the Lord. I got about four and half hours of sleep, but I feel so refreshed it is crazy and can only be from God!!!!
WOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO….PRAISE JESUS….PRAISE MY DADDY!!!
FREEDOM!!! AHHHH……………………………………………………………………………………………AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…..I AM GOING NUTS INSIDE MY BODY FOR HIM…..
I love you all and hope this blesses you somehow…
All for His glory,
Katie
Thursday, January 29, 2009
The Jerk
26-1-09
Hmmm…I feel like a jerk. We just got done watching themovie called War Dance. It is about these children from northern Uganda that are victims of the war with the rebels, who compete in this music festival in Kampala. The stories that were told about their lives were just heart wretching. It really put me in my place. Here I am complaining about how I have to live with a family for two weeks that has electricity and food and water. They do not have to fear for their lives or the lives of their family and I am sitting there thinking these people have it so hard and they are thinking I am so blessed. Who am I? I am nothing. I have never experienced pain in the ways these people have, but yet I feel as though I can say I have suffered? No way. No one can understand this until they come here, but I am trying to make it as vivid as possible. Those children in the movie were telling the story of how they found their parents after the rebels had come in their village. A girl saw her mother and father’s heads pulled out of a pot, so that they could recognize who their parents were. My heart is so heavy. I feel so burdened, but yet do not know what to do. God told me while I was watching that movie that I cannot save the world, only He can. That is very good news to me because I would not know where to begin.
Even though I am in Uganda, I feel as though it is so easy to disconnect from this country. I could totally just pretend that I am in college and there is nothing else for me to do but be a college kid, or I could actually be in Africa. I need to touch it, smell it, eat it, hear it, and truly see it. God revealed to me yesterday that since being in Africa these past two and half weeks, all I have been doing is living for myself, not God. There is a song that was played yesterday in church and I forget the tune, but it goes something like “Everyday I will follow you and walk with you and live for you.” Something to that affect, but the point is I need to live everyday for HIM! I have been so selfish these past few weeks. Feeling as though I am above some of the thigns thrown at me like food, work, or living conditions. How dare I? Again, I am nothing. There are times where I just want to run home and say ok, I have seen that part of the world and it was good now back to my life. I have truly been turned upside down. I will never look at my life the same way. I will never be able to look at Africa as just a beauty of God’s creation. Africa has faces, like Mark who is seven and wears the holiest pj pants I have ever seen, or Joseph who for the life of him cannot run without his pants showing his bottom. Ruth, my precious Ruth, who always has her little sister with her and takes care of her, or Issama, who just wants to touch you and know that you know his name. How about David, who works so hard for his family and tries to earn money for school which is only $100 give or take, or how about Sarah, who goes to UCU (Uganda Christian University) and is trying to find a place to live, but only has 50,000 shilings, which calculates to about $25.00 for the semester. These are only some of the people I have met in the past two weeks. I can’t and won’t go back to the way I thought before. It is difficult here and the differences, but something God reminded me yesterday was that we are one people, He loves me just as much as he loves the rebel soldier that is killing people 200 miles north of me. That is unfathomable (sp?) to me being American and thinking I have it all together. Perfect little Katie here, no way there could be a comparison right? God sees all, loves all, and knows all. I have to trust Him on so many things and on so many levels. It was hard for me to trust Him with my family because I know them and love them so much, but to trust Him with all the things that are going on in this world. Whoa. I am beyond thankful that I am not God. I have so many things that I want to do when I get back with church, with school, with my family, and with God. I refuse to be mediocre. God has called and I am coming out of hiding. No more will I be afraid to call on His name. No more will I be reluctant to speak of Him with others. Uplifting words are the only thing I want to come out of my mouth. I want freedom in Christ, true and complete freedom in Him. I know that I will not come back from Africa knowing everything and having it all together, but I do feel as though I will be a different person. Sorry family, but when you saw me on January 8th, 2009, that will be the last time you see that Katie. There will be a transformation, God told me so. It will hurt, but I know it will be for the better. Please do not worry if there are times when I sound angry or depressed or sad, it comes with the territory of being in Africa. I love you all and will write soon!
May you feel His presence wherever you are and whatever you are doing. God knows no boundaries.
Love,
Katie
p.s.
Family send me some mail...please :(
Or anyone else for that matter...
Katie Addington, Uganda Studies Program
Uganda Christian Unversity
P.O. Box 4
Mukono, UGANDA
Love you all!
Hmmm…I feel like a jerk. We just got done watching themovie called War Dance. It is about these children from northern Uganda that are victims of the war with the rebels, who compete in this music festival in Kampala. The stories that were told about their lives were just heart wretching. It really put me in my place. Here I am complaining about how I have to live with a family for two weeks that has electricity and food and water. They do not have to fear for their lives or the lives of their family and I am sitting there thinking these people have it so hard and they are thinking I am so blessed. Who am I? I am nothing. I have never experienced pain in the ways these people have, but yet I feel as though I can say I have suffered? No way. No one can understand this until they come here, but I am trying to make it as vivid as possible. Those children in the movie were telling the story of how they found their parents after the rebels had come in their village. A girl saw her mother and father’s heads pulled out of a pot, so that they could recognize who their parents were. My heart is so heavy. I feel so burdened, but yet do not know what to do. God told me while I was watching that movie that I cannot save the world, only He can. That is very good news to me because I would not know where to begin.
Even though I am in Uganda, I feel as though it is so easy to disconnect from this country. I could totally just pretend that I am in college and there is nothing else for me to do but be a college kid, or I could actually be in Africa. I need to touch it, smell it, eat it, hear it, and truly see it. God revealed to me yesterday that since being in Africa these past two and half weeks, all I have been doing is living for myself, not God. There is a song that was played yesterday in church and I forget the tune, but it goes something like “Everyday I will follow you and walk with you and live for you.” Something to that affect, but the point is I need to live everyday for HIM! I have been so selfish these past few weeks. Feeling as though I am above some of the thigns thrown at me like food, work, or living conditions. How dare I? Again, I am nothing. There are times where I just want to run home and say ok, I have seen that part of the world and it was good now back to my life. I have truly been turned upside down. I will never look at my life the same way. I will never be able to look at Africa as just a beauty of God’s creation. Africa has faces, like Mark who is seven and wears the holiest pj pants I have ever seen, or Joseph who for the life of him cannot run without his pants showing his bottom. Ruth, my precious Ruth, who always has her little sister with her and takes care of her, or Issama, who just wants to touch you and know that you know his name. How about David, who works so hard for his family and tries to earn money for school which is only $100 give or take, or how about Sarah, who goes to UCU (Uganda Christian University) and is trying to find a place to live, but only has 50,000 shilings, which calculates to about $25.00 for the semester. These are only some of the people I have met in the past two weeks. I can’t and won’t go back to the way I thought before. It is difficult here and the differences, but something God reminded me yesterday was that we are one people, He loves me just as much as he loves the rebel soldier that is killing people 200 miles north of me. That is unfathomable (sp?) to me being American and thinking I have it all together. Perfect little Katie here, no way there could be a comparison right? God sees all, loves all, and knows all. I have to trust Him on so many things and on so many levels. It was hard for me to trust Him with my family because I know them and love them so much, but to trust Him with all the things that are going on in this world. Whoa. I am beyond thankful that I am not God. I have so many things that I want to do when I get back with church, with school, with my family, and with God. I refuse to be mediocre. God has called and I am coming out of hiding. No more will I be afraid to call on His name. No more will I be reluctant to speak of Him with others. Uplifting words are the only thing I want to come out of my mouth. I want freedom in Christ, true and complete freedom in Him. I know that I will not come back from Africa knowing everything and having it all together, but I do feel as though I will be a different person. Sorry family, but when you saw me on January 8th, 2009, that will be the last time you see that Katie. There will be a transformation, God told me so. It will hurt, but I know it will be for the better. Please do not worry if there are times when I sound angry or depressed or sad, it comes with the territory of being in Africa. I love you all and will write soon!
May you feel His presence wherever you are and whatever you are doing. God knows no boundaries.
Love,
Katie
p.s.
Family send me some mail...please :(
Or anyone else for that matter...
Katie Addington, Uganda Studies Program
Uganda Christian Unversity
P.O. Box 4
Mukono, UGANDA
Love you all!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Joyfully content...
23-1-09
I cannot believe that there is only a week left in January! I have been here for two weeks, almost. It seems so crazy! There have been so many new experiences and so many emotions that will never get the justice to be remembered. This week has been a whirlwind of emotions. Right now I am staying with a family until next Friday, but at first I hated it and couldn’t wait til it was done. I do not hate it anymore, but I am glad that I choose to stay on campus for the semester. I am beginning to know what it is like to be a Ugandan family in a developing country. These people are so joyful and thankful for all that God has given them. They do so much work and it just part of life to them. I know I will not complain about doing laundry anymore in the states. I won’t say I will never because I am sure I will at some point, but I will be thankful for the button I have to push instead of the ‘getting the water from the well, getting buckets, washing and scrubbing with hands, rinsing with hands, hanging dry, ironing because of bugs’ type laundry. Running water is such a luxury that I take for granted everyday of my life. I am kind of a sanitary person and for me to eat at a dinner table with ants crawling all over and perhaps on the food is a big strech for me. Back home, most people would describe me as a picky eater but I think you would be shocked what I have eaten here. Lets make a list: onions, carrots, french beans, cabbage, all kinds of bananas (some not so good), peppers, papaya, jack fruit, MANGOS!, pineapples, watermelon, avocado, and rice and beans! Haha…I actually enjoy rice and beans. I think I will be vegatarian while being here because the meat comes out of a little shack with no refrigeration. Plus the meat is chewy and just not great. So I want a big steak when I get back parents! ;)
There have been somethings that I appreciate in America, besides running water and real toliets. Here pedestrians do not have the right-a-way; it is every man/woman for themself here. I like the time we eat supper because here we eat at 9:00 p.m. or later and then you take a bath and go to bed. I love that we have huge breakfast, they do not. I would be so fat if I ate late all the time. One thing I love here is the community environment. People that I do not even know call me sister and there is just such an emphasis on family. It is not individualistic at all, but communial (sp?). The disadvantage to that is there is never any alone time. I need that, but here it is almost strange for a person to want that. People know no stranger. Neighbors are friends, families are golden, and strangers are always welcomed. It is so funny because they always say, ‘ You are most welcome’ meaning as in welcome to our land, but someone asked me why they are always saying welcome when we do not say thank you…I just laughed. They always ask how your day went, how your night went, and anything in between. I love it! I want my family now and future family to be so community centered with some minor adjustments :D. Well I am going to go eat lunch, rice and beans, then go to Mukono with Tori. I’m so excited because Naomi, mama, and I are going to town tomorrow to look for material for a dress to be made!
I miss all of you and pray for His presence to be with you this very moment. Just breathe Him in.
Love,
katie
I cannot believe that there is only a week left in January! I have been here for two weeks, almost. It seems so crazy! There have been so many new experiences and so many emotions that will never get the justice to be remembered. This week has been a whirlwind of emotions. Right now I am staying with a family until next Friday, but at first I hated it and couldn’t wait til it was done. I do not hate it anymore, but I am glad that I choose to stay on campus for the semester. I am beginning to know what it is like to be a Ugandan family in a developing country. These people are so joyful and thankful for all that God has given them. They do so much work and it just part of life to them. I know I will not complain about doing laundry anymore in the states. I won’t say I will never because I am sure I will at some point, but I will be thankful for the button I have to push instead of the ‘getting the water from the well, getting buckets, washing and scrubbing with hands, rinsing with hands, hanging dry, ironing because of bugs’ type laundry. Running water is such a luxury that I take for granted everyday of my life. I am kind of a sanitary person and for me to eat at a dinner table with ants crawling all over and perhaps on the food is a big strech for me. Back home, most people would describe me as a picky eater but I think you would be shocked what I have eaten here. Lets make a list: onions, carrots, french beans, cabbage, all kinds of bananas (some not so good), peppers, papaya, jack fruit, MANGOS!, pineapples, watermelon, avocado, and rice and beans! Haha…I actually enjoy rice and beans. I think I will be vegatarian while being here because the meat comes out of a little shack with no refrigeration. Plus the meat is chewy and just not great. So I want a big steak when I get back parents! ;)
There have been somethings that I appreciate in America, besides running water and real toliets. Here pedestrians do not have the right-a-way; it is every man/woman for themself here. I like the time we eat supper because here we eat at 9:00 p.m. or later and then you take a bath and go to bed. I love that we have huge breakfast, they do not. I would be so fat if I ate late all the time. One thing I love here is the community environment. People that I do not even know call me sister and there is just such an emphasis on family. It is not individualistic at all, but communial (sp?). The disadvantage to that is there is never any alone time. I need that, but here it is almost strange for a person to want that. People know no stranger. Neighbors are friends, families are golden, and strangers are always welcomed. It is so funny because they always say, ‘ You are most welcome’ meaning as in welcome to our land, but someone asked me why they are always saying welcome when we do not say thank you…I just laughed. They always ask how your day went, how your night went, and anything in between. I love it! I want my family now and future family to be so community centered with some minor adjustments :D. Well I am going to go eat lunch, rice and beans, then go to Mukono with Tori. I’m so excited because Naomi, mama, and I are going to town tomorrow to look for material for a dress to be made!
I miss all of you and pray for His presence to be with you this very moment. Just breathe Him in.
Love,
katie
Humble, Humbly, Humbling
19-1-09
So it has been an interesting weekend to say the least. The worst weekend I have experienced thus far of Africa, and as I am told, the worst one of the semester. That is semi-good news, I guess. I am just going through a rough time at themoment, so please pray for me.
Naomi and I are staying with a family for two weeks. Naomi is such a blessing and I do not think I could do it without her being there. There is Mama Harriet and four boys. Two of them are her sons, who are brats, and then the youngest is her grandson, Mark, and the oldest is her nephew, David. David does all the work, or so it seems. We went to the well with him yesterday to get water and it is far and steep. He is so strong and he said it is just a part of life, like school. It is very humbling to see his attitude towards something we would complain and probably refuse to do, but he just does it without complaint. I was reading on the front porch yesterday, which is where I think I got my ten bug bites, but anyway, these kids were playing in the yard. When I say yard I mean dirt because there is no grass. They were so adorable and the oldest girl was named Ruth. I think she is someone I will develop a relationship with, at least that is what I felt when I met her. The children are so precious and to actually converse with them is awesome! I want to bring them all home with me. I took pictures of them and showed pictures of my family and friends to them. The joy that they hold is amazing to me. I would look at them with such sadness, but they are so content and joyful. I feel as though I will learn a lot from them.
Cleanliness is not very high on the list when it comes to food. I have become vegatarian for the duration of this trip. I can’t handle it. I would rather not know where things come from or how they are cooked and just eat them, but since staying with a family I have learned both of those things and that is why I am not going to eat meat while I am here. Ants are crawling all over the table and in the food, but it does not seem to be a big deal. We have a squatty potty at the house and I attempted to go yesterday and when I shut the door a lizard jumped. That was the end of my bathroom experience at home. I am so spoiled. We bathe in a dark room with a bucket after dinner, which is at 9 or later. Then we go to bed. Naomi and I share a room with no door and so it is awkward to change clothes. I do not want to offend them on anything, it seems hard though. I got homesick really bad yesterday and God and I are having an agrument. Perhaps it isn’t an agrument on His end, but it is on mine. I think He is just waiting for me to come to my senses, but anyways. I have so much to say, but right now I am just not in the mood to express it. It would not be cheerful and I do not want anyone to worry. I am fine, just dealing with somethings like God told me I would. I love you all and miss you!
Love,
Katie
So it has been an interesting weekend to say the least. The worst weekend I have experienced thus far of Africa, and as I am told, the worst one of the semester. That is semi-good news, I guess. I am just going through a rough time at themoment, so please pray for me.
Naomi and I are staying with a family for two weeks. Naomi is such a blessing and I do not think I could do it without her being there. There is Mama Harriet and four boys. Two of them are her sons, who are brats, and then the youngest is her grandson, Mark, and the oldest is her nephew, David. David does all the work, or so it seems. We went to the well with him yesterday to get water and it is far and steep. He is so strong and he said it is just a part of life, like school. It is very humbling to see his attitude towards something we would complain and probably refuse to do, but he just does it without complaint. I was reading on the front porch yesterday, which is where I think I got my ten bug bites, but anyway, these kids were playing in the yard. When I say yard I mean dirt because there is no grass. They were so adorable and the oldest girl was named Ruth. I think she is someone I will develop a relationship with, at least that is what I felt when I met her. The children are so precious and to actually converse with them is awesome! I want to bring them all home with me. I took pictures of them and showed pictures of my family and friends to them. The joy that they hold is amazing to me. I would look at them with such sadness, but they are so content and joyful. I feel as though I will learn a lot from them.
Cleanliness is not very high on the list when it comes to food. I have become vegatarian for the duration of this trip. I can’t handle it. I would rather not know where things come from or how they are cooked and just eat them, but since staying with a family I have learned both of those things and that is why I am not going to eat meat while I am here. Ants are crawling all over the table and in the food, but it does not seem to be a big deal. We have a squatty potty at the house and I attempted to go yesterday and when I shut the door a lizard jumped. That was the end of my bathroom experience at home. I am so spoiled. We bathe in a dark room with a bucket after dinner, which is at 9 or later. Then we go to bed. Naomi and I share a room with no door and so it is awkward to change clothes. I do not want to offend them on anything, it seems hard though. I got homesick really bad yesterday and God and I are having an agrument. Perhaps it isn’t an agrument on His end, but it is on mine. I think He is just waiting for me to come to my senses, but anyways. I have so much to say, but right now I am just not in the mood to express it. It would not be cheerful and I do not want anyone to worry. I am fine, just dealing with somethings like God told me I would. I love you all and miss you!
Love,
Katie
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Mazungu, white person
14/01/09
God is so prevalent in this place. While taking classes and meeting new people all the time, He is there. There has not been a conversation that I have had with a Ugandan that God was not mentioned. There are amazing things that have happened and are going to happen.
While being here and being the minority, it definitely gives a different perspective. I am getting use to the stares, but the hospitality is in such abundance here. The people are curious and are not afraid to ask things. I have had two people ask me about my birthmark. I am ok with that because I was afraid that they would think I was cursed or something of the sort. Yesterday we went on a scavenger hunt in Mukono. I was with three other girls and one slipped and scrapped her leg. It was an experience. I almost got taken out by a boda-boda. No joke. I am seriously scared of those things. When we got here, they told us that boda-bodas were forbidden and I was bummed because I thought they would be cool to ride. (In case you are wondering, a boda-boda is a small motorcycle). But a couple of things change my mind…a) one almost taking my life, b) You would have to straddle a man, and c) If you didn’t straddle a man and had a skirt on, you would have to sit sideways and I would definitely fall off which would end my life that way. So with some common sense I put two and two together and decided they are too dangerous and it would be very awkward. We found the hotel that we were supposed to end up at and we got sodas. Yes, I drank a soda because a) it was cold, b) it was free, and c) how many times am I going to be able to drink soda in AFRICA? There is a girl, Cyndi, here that is a roommate of Tori’s and I just love her! She is so funny and I think God is going to teach her so much because she Is very grossed out by a lot here. Anyways, she is bald,b ut not because of cancer. She has this autoimmunal disease that thinks her hair is bad and won’t let it grow. We were talking about how we get double stares because she is bald and my face is red. We laugh at it. When we were walking back from town to the campus these adorable little children that lived in a hut came out and was like muzungu, which means white person, and they were just so excited to see us and were waving and I just wanted to bring them home with me. L The children here are so precious. I got some rolled bead jewelry. We go into Kampala on Friday and I’m way excited! Then on Saturday we got to a family for homestays and we stay with them for two weeks. That will be interesting. Please pray.
Some things that reminded me of home were when we were in a church service, they started to talk about Alpha and I thought Mary! It was just way cool! The bananas are amazing! They have such an added sweetness to them. I wish I could bring some home for my dad. L He would love them! I am not homesick right now because everything is so new and seems to be doing well, but here in about a month or two I am sure it will be bad. I do miss my family, but it is not a longing to be with them. I think I could make it living overseas. Anywhere God wants to take me, I am there. He has me reading Isaiah right now and showing me some different lessons that need to be learned. I am blessed to have Him here with me. If it wasn’t for Him I wouldn’t be here and if it wasn’t for Him I would leave. I am so thankful that He takes our burdens away. Praise Him for peace! For grace! For mercy! For wisdom and discernment! I need these things all the time! The devotion I had this morning was awesome! It talked about how we need to hear the call of God and to hear it we need to be listening to Him. O to be face to face with Him. That is my desire! He is my all in all. I am beginning to find out what that truly means.
On some funny notes, we ate dinner in the dark tonight and it seemed perfectly normal to all the students. Last night there was an alarm that went off from 5 p.m. until about 8:30 a.m. Yes, all through the night. It was lovely, but this girl gave me ear plugs and I pray Jesus blesses her so much for that! I have cold showers and today the shower curtains were shredded and so I put my towel, which is really big, up as a shower curtain and it fell mid shower. Lol. Some very humbling experiences. I also took a vitamin this morning on an empty stomach and made me throw up. It was just water and stomach acid so not too bad and thankful I know that I am not sick just stupid :P.
As for the group here, there are so many different personalities which can be very interesting and very annoying, but again humbling J. The guys here are amazing! And no worries I am not falling in love with any of them. They just seem so genuine and real. They are not abnoxious (sp?) or stupid. They seem like they truly care and truly seeking God. It is very refreshing. Well, my battery is about to die and it is more of a hassel to plug it in, so I am going to for now J I lov eyou all and hopefully will be able to post something every other day or what not. Be blessed because more than like those of you who are reading this are in America. Count those blessings! All my love!
Katiebelle
God is so prevalent in this place. While taking classes and meeting new people all the time, He is there. There has not been a conversation that I have had with a Ugandan that God was not mentioned. There are amazing things that have happened and are going to happen.
While being here and being the minority, it definitely gives a different perspective. I am getting use to the stares, but the hospitality is in such abundance here. The people are curious and are not afraid to ask things. I have had two people ask me about my birthmark. I am ok with that because I was afraid that they would think I was cursed or something of the sort. Yesterday we went on a scavenger hunt in Mukono. I was with three other girls and one slipped and scrapped her leg. It was an experience. I almost got taken out by a boda-boda. No joke. I am seriously scared of those things. When we got here, they told us that boda-bodas were forbidden and I was bummed because I thought they would be cool to ride. (In case you are wondering, a boda-boda is a small motorcycle). But a couple of things change my mind…a) one almost taking my life, b) You would have to straddle a man, and c) If you didn’t straddle a man and had a skirt on, you would have to sit sideways and I would definitely fall off which would end my life that way. So with some common sense I put two and two together and decided they are too dangerous and it would be very awkward. We found the hotel that we were supposed to end up at and we got sodas. Yes, I drank a soda because a) it was cold, b) it was free, and c) how many times am I going to be able to drink soda in AFRICA? There is a girl, Cyndi, here that is a roommate of Tori’s and I just love her! She is so funny and I think God is going to teach her so much because she Is very grossed out by a lot here. Anyways, she is bald,b ut not because of cancer. She has this autoimmunal disease that thinks her hair is bad and won’t let it grow. We were talking about how we get double stares because she is bald and my face is red. We laugh at it. When we were walking back from town to the campus these adorable little children that lived in a hut came out and was like muzungu, which means white person, and they were just so excited to see us and were waving and I just wanted to bring them home with me. L The children here are so precious. I got some rolled bead jewelry. We go into Kampala on Friday and I’m way excited! Then on Saturday we got to a family for homestays and we stay with them for two weeks. That will be interesting. Please pray.
Some things that reminded me of home were when we were in a church service, they started to talk about Alpha and I thought Mary! It was just way cool! The bananas are amazing! They have such an added sweetness to them. I wish I could bring some home for my dad. L He would love them! I am not homesick right now because everything is so new and seems to be doing well, but here in about a month or two I am sure it will be bad. I do miss my family, but it is not a longing to be with them. I think I could make it living overseas. Anywhere God wants to take me, I am there. He has me reading Isaiah right now and showing me some different lessons that need to be learned. I am blessed to have Him here with me. If it wasn’t for Him I wouldn’t be here and if it wasn’t for Him I would leave. I am so thankful that He takes our burdens away. Praise Him for peace! For grace! For mercy! For wisdom and discernment! I need these things all the time! The devotion I had this morning was awesome! It talked about how we need to hear the call of God and to hear it we need to be listening to Him. O to be face to face with Him. That is my desire! He is my all in all. I am beginning to find out what that truly means.
On some funny notes, we ate dinner in the dark tonight and it seemed perfectly normal to all the students. Last night there was an alarm that went off from 5 p.m. until about 8:30 a.m. Yes, all through the night. It was lovely, but this girl gave me ear plugs and I pray Jesus blesses her so much for that! I have cold showers and today the shower curtains were shredded and so I put my towel, which is really big, up as a shower curtain and it fell mid shower. Lol. Some very humbling experiences. I also took a vitamin this morning on an empty stomach and made me throw up. It was just water and stomach acid so not too bad and thankful I know that I am not sick just stupid :P.
As for the group here, there are so many different personalities which can be very interesting and very annoying, but again humbling J. The guys here are amazing! And no worries I am not falling in love with any of them. They just seem so genuine and real. They are not abnoxious (sp?) or stupid. They seem like they truly care and truly seeking God. It is very refreshing. Well, my battery is about to die and it is more of a hassel to plug it in, so I am going to for now J I lov eyou all and hopefully will be able to post something every other day or what not. Be blessed because more than like those of you who are reading this are in America. Count those blessings! All my love!
Katiebelle
The smell of campfires, the beautiful sunsets, the most welcoming people, the red feet, and the frizzy hair, yep I'm in AFRICA
12-1-2009
There is just a peace when you are where you are suppose to be. I am at that place with that peace. God has blessed me beyond measure just in the five days that I have been here. I have red feet and frizzy hair everyday, but it does not matter. The people are so nice and welcoming. I have made some great friends with the students and also with the USP group. Ok, here goes from the airport on…
I left my family, which wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be, then I got through security and on my way to Chicago, but before I even left the Indy airport I sat down waiting and God told me something. He said, “Katie, I had to get you away. Away from your family and everything else.” I said, “Ok.” I am not sure what He meant by that but I am sure I will find out. I met up with Tori in Chicago, which was a blessing, but we both agreed that we really didn’t want to do this. I had no desire to go, I just wanted to go back home and be in my comfort of my home with people I know and wouldn’t feel awkward around. I didn’t care that I was going to Africa or that it was an opportunity of a lifetime, I didn’t want to go. Then Tori and I go on the plane and fell asleep. God spoke to me while I was semi-sleeping. I can’t really remember the words, but I just woke up refreshed and ready. We woke up excited! We were ready to go! (We think that it was the malaria medicine that we are on which has a side effect of mood swings and depression, so watch out! Haha). We got to the airport and started meeting people. I still have yet to meet everyone because some traveled independently and then almost right when we go here, they went to live with their family for the semester. God keeps reminding me that this trip isn’t about relationships with boys or girls. Friendships are a plus, but they are not my main focus. There are different types of emotions when you are the minority and everyone is staring at you. It is not a mean stare, but it is still awkward. There are so many suggestions on how to keep safe and it is double for me because I am white and female. Yay! It is sometimes rough when I am walking by myself because there is no one to cling to that looks like me. A t this point all I have eaten has been rice, beans, mutuka (I don’t know if that is how it is spelled, but it is a banana type plant that has no real flavor, not bad), plantains (another form of banana, but not as good), and posho (sounds like fo sho, J, corn maize and water). The food isn’t too bad, bland, but not bad at all. I am sure it will get old, but all food does. Are we not spoiled? We, as in students from Olivet, were talking about how we complained about our café with choices beyond words, but here you have three types of food for your plate and perhaps you could choose between rice and mutuka. It has been a real eye opener. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
There was a rain storm today and it was amazing! Through it God reminded me that He is going to pour out on me this semester, but there is going to a storm. I am not excited, but I am. I want Him so bad! He is all my gaze is fixed on. Since being here I have not slept very well and probably only get about four to five hours average. Example, last night I went to bed at 11:00-ish and woke up at 2 a.m. not able to go back to sleep. Some say it is jet lag, but I think it is God waking me up to just be with Him. There is not really anywhere I can go at 2 a.m., so I read and just laid in bed. My heart is just bursting forth with Him. I do not get a lot of alone time, but when I do it is so nice. I am going to have to fight for it and I will. I didn’t today and I realized that I was missing something in my life. It sounds so cheezy, but He is what makes me whole and go on through the day. It is almost like when I do not spend time with Him I become a little more like who I use to be. That is not my goal. My goal is to bring Him glory everywhere and anywhere I go with whatever I do and say. He is my Dada, Husband, Best friend, and Glorious King. It is me and Him, all the time, for all my life. He just reminded me of when we want to share experiences with others that are not a guarantee in our life, but He is always there, evern when we turn ugly and He should completely drop us. Instead He draws us that much closer to His cheek humming that perfect lullaby that just soothes our soul. Why would we not want to share our experiences with Him? Even after marriage there is not guarantee. God is the only guarantee of life.
There are sometimes with some things that I am just like, HUH? It is not even with the Ugandan people, but with people in the group. I am starting to find out who I want to hang out with and who I do not want to invest a lot of time with, is that bad? I have prayed for friends that are running hard after God and I have yet to truly find that, but whether or not they come I will press on. Again, it isn’t about relationships. I can feel the jealously that God is having with me. I know that is why He keeps telling me that it isn’t about anyone, but Him. I think about Him and just get butterflies. I know He has brought me here for a reason and right now everything is wonderful. The weather is amazing for January and the people are so nice, but it has also only been five days. I am not naïve enough to believe this is how it is always going to be. First of all, we started classes today and that is just something I see as taking away, but I am sure it will not be my biggest time waster: P I just want moments with Him, special only us two moments. I want to write like crazy all the things He is telling me. I want to be able to hear him amongst all the noise. I want to be so sensitive to His heart that what breaks His, breaks mine. I want to be so in depth with His character that I would know without even needing to ask. I am bursting at the seams with everything and I can’t wait!
If in a few weeks, this blog is completely the opposite emotions, it could be the medicine (hehe), but I am sure it is just the suffering I am going through for the molding, striping, applying, and shaping that will be taking place with God. On Saturday we go to live with a family for two weeks and I’m a bit nervous just because it will be awkward, but I am sure shaping. I pray that wherever you are reading this that you will feel His undoubtable presence and unfailing love in your soul today. He is taking care of me like promised. No worries about me, I am running on the wild path with the strongest, most glorious hand in mine…
“Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell. Then will I go to the alter of God, to God, my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the harp, O God, my God.”
Psalm 43:3-4
(God just gave me this chapter and it is so fitting because I am going up to the mountain by our dorm to spend time with Him, He is so clever!)
There is just a peace when you are where you are suppose to be. I am at that place with that peace. God has blessed me beyond measure just in the five days that I have been here. I have red feet and frizzy hair everyday, but it does not matter. The people are so nice and welcoming. I have made some great friends with the students and also with the USP group. Ok, here goes from the airport on…
I left my family, which wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be, then I got through security and on my way to Chicago, but before I even left the Indy airport I sat down waiting and God told me something. He said, “Katie, I had to get you away. Away from your family and everything else.” I said, “Ok.” I am not sure what He meant by that but I am sure I will find out. I met up with Tori in Chicago, which was a blessing, but we both agreed that we really didn’t want to do this. I had no desire to go, I just wanted to go back home and be in my comfort of my home with people I know and wouldn’t feel awkward around. I didn’t care that I was going to Africa or that it was an opportunity of a lifetime, I didn’t want to go. Then Tori and I go on the plane and fell asleep. God spoke to me while I was semi-sleeping. I can’t really remember the words, but I just woke up refreshed and ready. We woke up excited! We were ready to go! (We think that it was the malaria medicine that we are on which has a side effect of mood swings and depression, so watch out! Haha). We got to the airport and started meeting people. I still have yet to meet everyone because some traveled independently and then almost right when we go here, they went to live with their family for the semester. God keeps reminding me that this trip isn’t about relationships with boys or girls. Friendships are a plus, but they are not my main focus. There are different types of emotions when you are the minority and everyone is staring at you. It is not a mean stare, but it is still awkward. There are so many suggestions on how to keep safe and it is double for me because I am white and female. Yay! It is sometimes rough when I am walking by myself because there is no one to cling to that looks like me. A t this point all I have eaten has been rice, beans, mutuka (I don’t know if that is how it is spelled, but it is a banana type plant that has no real flavor, not bad), plantains (another form of banana, but not as good), and posho (sounds like fo sho, J, corn maize and water). The food isn’t too bad, bland, but not bad at all. I am sure it will get old, but all food does. Are we not spoiled? We, as in students from Olivet, were talking about how we complained about our café with choices beyond words, but here you have three types of food for your plate and perhaps you could choose between rice and mutuka. It has been a real eye opener. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
There was a rain storm today and it was amazing! Through it God reminded me that He is going to pour out on me this semester, but there is going to a storm. I am not excited, but I am. I want Him so bad! He is all my gaze is fixed on. Since being here I have not slept very well and probably only get about four to five hours average. Example, last night I went to bed at 11:00-ish and woke up at 2 a.m. not able to go back to sleep. Some say it is jet lag, but I think it is God waking me up to just be with Him. There is not really anywhere I can go at 2 a.m., so I read and just laid in bed. My heart is just bursting forth with Him. I do not get a lot of alone time, but when I do it is so nice. I am going to have to fight for it and I will. I didn’t today and I realized that I was missing something in my life. It sounds so cheezy, but He is what makes me whole and go on through the day. It is almost like when I do not spend time with Him I become a little more like who I use to be. That is not my goal. My goal is to bring Him glory everywhere and anywhere I go with whatever I do and say. He is my Dada, Husband, Best friend, and Glorious King. It is me and Him, all the time, for all my life. He just reminded me of when we want to share experiences with others that are not a guarantee in our life, but He is always there, evern when we turn ugly and He should completely drop us. Instead He draws us that much closer to His cheek humming that perfect lullaby that just soothes our soul. Why would we not want to share our experiences with Him? Even after marriage there is not guarantee. God is the only guarantee of life.
There are sometimes with some things that I am just like, HUH? It is not even with the Ugandan people, but with people in the group. I am starting to find out who I want to hang out with and who I do not want to invest a lot of time with, is that bad? I have prayed for friends that are running hard after God and I have yet to truly find that, but whether or not they come I will press on. Again, it isn’t about relationships. I can feel the jealously that God is having with me. I know that is why He keeps telling me that it isn’t about anyone, but Him. I think about Him and just get butterflies. I know He has brought me here for a reason and right now everything is wonderful. The weather is amazing for January and the people are so nice, but it has also only been five days. I am not naïve enough to believe this is how it is always going to be. First of all, we started classes today and that is just something I see as taking away, but I am sure it will not be my biggest time waster: P I just want moments with Him, special only us two moments. I want to write like crazy all the things He is telling me. I want to be able to hear him amongst all the noise. I want to be so sensitive to His heart that what breaks His, breaks mine. I want to be so in depth with His character that I would know without even needing to ask. I am bursting at the seams with everything and I can’t wait!
If in a few weeks, this blog is completely the opposite emotions, it could be the medicine (hehe), but I am sure it is just the suffering I am going through for the molding, striping, applying, and shaping that will be taking place with God. On Saturday we go to live with a family for two weeks and I’m a bit nervous just because it will be awkward, but I am sure shaping. I pray that wherever you are reading this that you will feel His undoubtable presence and unfailing love in your soul today. He is taking care of me like promised. No worries about me, I am running on the wild path with the strongest, most glorious hand in mine…
“Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell. Then will I go to the alter of God, to God, my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the harp, O God, my God.”
Psalm 43:3-4
(God just gave me this chapter and it is so fitting because I am going up to the mountain by our dorm to spend time with Him, He is so clever!)
Friday, January 2, 2009
The waiting begins...
I am counting down the days til I leave. At first I am excited, but then I am scared. I want to go, but I don't want to go. I need to go. I am stressing about all the things I need to bring and the no room that I seem to have to put them in. Life is simple, but sometimes it is hard to see the simplicity of it. I have all these things that are going on around me and I just seem to be slow motion in life. It is almost like I am reflecting on life right now and taking it all in because for four months I won't have it. It will be good not to have it, but some of it sad that I won't have it. God is holding my hand and being so faithful. He is preparing me big time! I can't wait, but I know this is going to hurt. God is going to strip me raw, which I want, but it shall hurt.
Well, please just keep me in your prayers this last week I am on American soil, but mostly while I am away from this American land. I love you all and will miss you dearly, but I have to do this. God has called and I can't ignore.
Well, please just keep me in your prayers this last week I am on American soil, but mostly while I am away from this American land. I love you all and will miss you dearly, but I have to do this. God has called and I can't ignore.
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