The Jerk

26-1-09
Hmmm…I feel like a jerk. We just got done watching themovie called War Dance. It is about these children from northern Uganda that are victims of the war with the rebels, who compete in this music festival in Kampala. The stories that were told about their lives were just heart wretching. It really put me in my place. Here I am complaining about how I have to live with a family for two weeks that has electricity and food and water. They do not have to fear for their lives or the lives of their family and I am sitting there thinking these people have it so hard and they are thinking I am so blessed. Who am I? I am nothing. I have never experienced pain in the ways these people have, but yet I feel as though I can say I have suffered? No way. No one can understand this until they come here, but I am trying to make it as vivid as possible. Those children in the movie were telling the story of how they found their parents after the rebels had come in their village. A girl saw her mother and father’s heads pulled out of a pot, so that they could recognize who their parents were. My heart is so heavy. I feel so burdened, but yet do not know what to do. God told me while I was watching that movie that I cannot save the world, only He can. That is very good news to me because I would not know where to begin.
Even though I am in Uganda, I feel as though it is so easy to disconnect from this country. I could totally just pretend that I am in college and there is nothing else for me to do but be a college kid, or I could actually be in Africa. I need to touch it, smell it, eat it, hear it, and truly see it. God revealed to me yesterday that since being in Africa these past two and half weeks, all I have been doing is living for myself, not God. There is a song that was played yesterday in church and I forget the tune, but it goes something like “Everyday I will follow you and walk with you and live for you.” Something to that affect, but the point is I need to live everyday for HIM! I have been so selfish these past few weeks. Feeling as though I am above some of the thigns thrown at me like food, work, or living conditions. How dare I? Again, I am nothing. There are times where I just want to run home and say ok, I have seen that part of the world and it was good now back to my life. I have truly been turned upside down. I will never look at my life the same way. I will never be able to look at Africa as just a beauty of God’s creation. Africa has faces, like Mark who is seven and wears the holiest pj pants I have ever seen, or Joseph who for the life of him cannot run without his pants showing his bottom. Ruth, my precious Ruth, who always has her little sister with her and takes care of her, or Issama, who just wants to touch you and know that you know his name. How about David, who works so hard for his family and tries to earn money for school which is only $100 give or take, or how about Sarah, who goes to UCU (Uganda Christian University) and is trying to find a place to live, but only has 50,000 shilings, which calculates to about $25.00 for the semester. These are only some of the people I have met in the past two weeks. I can’t and won’t go back to the way I thought before. It is difficult here and the differences, but something God reminded me yesterday was that we are one people, He loves me just as much as he loves the rebel soldier that is killing people 200 miles north of me. That is unfathomable (sp?) to me being American and thinking I have it all together. Perfect little Katie here, no way there could be a comparison right? God sees all, loves all, and knows all. I have to trust Him on so many things and on so many levels. It was hard for me to trust Him with my family because I know them and love them so much, but to trust Him with all the things that are going on in this world. Whoa. I am beyond thankful that I am not God. I have so many things that I want to do when I get back with church, with school, with my family, and with God. I refuse to be mediocre. God has called and I am coming out of hiding. No more will I be afraid to call on His name. No more will I be reluctant to speak of Him with others. Uplifting words are the only thing I want to come out of my mouth. I want freedom in Christ, true and complete freedom in Him. I know that I will not come back from Africa knowing everything and having it all together, but I do feel as though I will be a different person. Sorry family, but when you saw me on January 8th, 2009, that will be the last time you see that Katie. There will be a transformation, God told me so. It will hurt, but I know it will be for the better. Please do not worry if there are times when I sound angry or depressed or sad, it comes with the territory of being in Africa. I love you all and will write soon!
May you feel His presence wherever you are and whatever you are doing. God knows no boundaries.

Love,
Katie

p.s.
Family send me some mail...please :(
Or anyone else for that matter...
Katie Addington, Uganda Studies Program
Uganda Christian Unversity
P.O. Box 4
Mukono, UGANDA

Love you all!