Where to even start is a mystery. There are so many things to say, but yet I do not even know if I could describe them with words. I know I will not do them justice, so please give me grace.
Ok, so about two weeks ago now there was craziness on campus. It all started with getting ready for rural homestays, which I was a little nervous about, but tried to be strong! For our faith and action class we had to read a section in our book called conflict. There were stories about conflict, obviously, but more to the point there was stories about the LRA, which as we all know is from Northern Uganda. The stories that I read were heartwretching. I wept, and wept, and wept. I know that it was God breaking my heart for these people because this was not the first time hearing about this situation or stories of people that have gone through this. I was so pissed off. Where the HELL was God in all this? I did not understand how God could let this go on or how God even fit into these peoples’ lives. Life just seemed to lose all its meaning. Who was I that I got to have a wonderful family, safety, education, food, and clean water? WHO AM I? I still struggle with that. These people fear for their lives every second of the day and I complain about having rice and beans twice a day. At least I have food! I disgust myself. I am trying to find a balance with this information that God has shown me and my life back home. What do I do? It is like God has unveiled my eyes to the social injustices are all around me. These people cannot even depend on their own government because they are raping, torturing, and beating these people too. THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE TO PROTECT THEM!!! I read this at night and just pretty much cried the whole night and prayed. I couldn’t sleep very well, but woke up with this huge burden on my heart for these people still. Most of the day I was numb, couldn’t feel anything more. We even had class that we were to discuss what we read, but it didn’t seem to bother others like it did me. Was I wrong? Was I just being dramatic? I felt like these were our brothers and sisters that were suffering and we were just sitting here twidling our thumbs. How could I be the only one feeling this? Didn’t understand, but went on to chapel, which seemed meaningless. I just couldn’t praise God knowing what these people were going through, I did not understand Him and could not say that He was good because this was going on. After service, we went to lunch and I ate with Tori, Naomi, and Sarah. They sensed something and just asked me what was up. I lost it, again. I just spoke my frustrations and cried right there in the dining hall. I tried to hold myself together some, but it didn’t work out very well. Tori wanted to get out of there and go to my room so we could talk. On the way there, she told me that she is glad that it is affecting me like it is because that is the way she feels. Mainly why she was so distant this past semester because she didn’t know how to deal with American lifestyle after seeing and knowing what she did. We came back to my room and I just yelled, questioned, doubted, wept, and prayed for these people, myself, and others. Tori completely understood how I felt because she has been struggling with it for most of the school year. God just simply asked me to give it to Him, how could I do that? Where was He in all this? I clearly had to do something because He was definitely not. Then I just prayed and read Job. God gave me comfort that He has it all in His hands. He is control. (I am not doing a very good job of describing this, but yeah.) God gave me immeasurable peace about this. It was like I was carrying around the burden of the world and (duh) I couldn’t do anything to solve them. I had to give them over to Him, who else was going to take care of them. I praised God that I was not Him because I would not know how to handle this world. I still struggle with this issue, but I know that God has placed here for a reason. Perhaps it is to make others aware back home and perhaps it is to work for an organization to help these people, I do not know. The only thing I do know is that God is in control and I trust Him. It is all I can do.
Ok, that was all one day/night. Then we get a phone call from Phil (he is an intern) telling us that there is a meeting tomorrow at 8:30 a.m. and no one is in trouble, but we needed to be there. We were like ok, but was wondering what it was all about. Well, we get there for the meeting and are told that there was a threat letter slipped under the door of the president of the university. It basically said that the university should shut down and that Americans should leave. At first I was a little scared, but more for my parents who I knew were going to flip out when they were informed about this. In two days we were going to leave for rural homestays for a little over a week, so we were leaving :D. Anyway, I called my parents and of course, they wanted me to come home, but I told them I was fine and did not feel in immediate danger. I completely understood their feelings towards this, but I knew that God was with me and did not want me to pull out just yet. Although, secretly, I would have been just fine if they would have said, “we are sending you home tomorrow.” I miss my family! But yet I know that I am supposed to be here. Before talking to my family, I prayed so hard for God to give them peace and grace to hear the news and to be calm. God told me that He is using me/ this situation to build trust between Him and them. I knew that this would draw them closer to Him and I was praising Him for that. I did not want to put my family through any more stress, but I trusted God. Nevermind, that in two days I would not be able to talk to my family for ten days. That was a little rough, on both sides I’m sure. Well the next two days went fine and we were on our way to rural homestays…
There was excitement and dread inside my body. God poured excitement in me about the family I was to stay with, but a little part of me was uncertain about the whole thing. I was by myself, which was fine with me, but I was still scared. Right before arriving, God told me that He had prepared these people for me and that they were so welcoming. Oh boy! He knew, He knew! I was frustrated beyond words at some points, but then there were moments that I was so content that I could have stayed forever. I had two sisters, Ruth and Zipporah. Ruth was so remarkable. She is 28 years old and has a 14 year old daughter. Before you judge her, wait. When she was 12 or so, she got abducted by the LRA and was forced to be a ‘wife’ of one of the commanders of the rebel army. She also has a son, but he is with the father. She escaped and came back to live with her sister, who is HIV+, and raised her daughter. She told me that she was so sick of living a life that was barely living that she turned her life to Jesus and has been a child of God since. I was at a loss for words. This woman is amazing. She never gave up and just continued on. I just kept thinking about everything she has seen and been through, I do not know if I would have turned to Jesus myself. She has amazing faith that I do not know if I will ever possess. Her biggest concern is for her daughter that she get through school and have a better life than she did. There is a big issue with young girls getting pregnant and when you get pregnant here you cannot finish school and are pretty much poor for the rest of your life. These women were so strong because they had to be. There was no room for self-pity or complaining. Every morning, Toto (momma) would ask me how the night was and then praise God for the night and the morning. That was the highlight of my week, meeting her, but there are numerous funny stories that happened to me.
The most unusual story would have to be spreading cow poop on the ground as cement. They were farmers and grew cassava. They had to dry it, but instead of laying it out on the ground for dirt, they make ‘cement’ from cow poop and lay the food on that instead of the ground…hmmmm. I wasn’t too convinced, but that did not matter. I got down on my knees and spread cow poop with my hand. The cherry on top was when that same night, we were eating supper and we eat with our hands because they do not have/afford silverware and I just scooped a thing of rice in my mouth with the thought of ‘this hand was just in cow poop today, yummy.’ J Jesus was humbling me, for sure. I slept in a legit hut for a week and there were lizards, bugs, and what not in there, but I was blessed. My papa was 75 years old and I rode on the back of his bicycle, he insisted. I was amazed. They are so strong in all ways. I bathed under the stars one night, it was amazing. The stars were so clear out there. I shall never forget that. The simple pleasures were so wonderful. The joy of being there was amazing and God showed me so many things. I shall never forget them…
After leaving my family, we traveled to Sipi Falls. The living conditions were worse than at my rural homestay, but the view was breathtaking. I wish I could let you have my eyes to see. I hike the mountain! I saw three waterfalls, top and bottom. I was just simply in awe of my Father and His creation. I felt His beauty when I was ten feet from the bottom of the waterfall. It was the feeling of ‘this is where I’m supposed to be at this very moment’ and I was savoring it. Although the last hour of the hike was very tough, it was wonderful. I am sore all over, but God is good! Perhaps I will build some muscle :D.
I am still trying to let everything sink in, but I know that will take a long time, so we will see. As of currently, I am planning a two week road trip at the end of the summer and I am beyond excited for this! I pray that it all works out. I am waiting to hear back about being a RA, so we will see what God has in store for me. I give Him all praise for every opportunity He has given me these past weeks. This is not all of it, but I could not write everything nor describe it, so take all this for what it is worth.
May you feel His presence this day…
Peace be with you,
Katie
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